I'm not blissfully happy here anymore.
I clutched my pillow and let the tears roll down my face. It was the first time I actually said it out loud. Whispered it into the night.
Heartbreak and relief fell over me.
We had a good run, Seattle and I. Our honeymoon phase lasted longer than most- 4.5 years for the win! But now I'm left asking if it's me or my life that has changed more. Just why is it that I'm not blissed out anymore?
These bigger life lessons, they don't take it easy on our hearts. Instead, they dramatically burst through our consciousness, wanting to be remembered. They need us to stir and make a move. Check mate.
I could continue to embrace the life I have here in Seattle despite the growing pains because maybe, just maybe, I'm on the brink of a breakthrough. Or I could put one foot in front of the other and head towards another blissful place. The root of this choice lies in the theory of fight to flight. If I moved away, I'd certainly be running towards something that makes me happy (i.e. family & friends), but I've also gotta check myself and make sure I'm not fleeing from this place that may be a little tougher and little less prettier than it used to be in my eyes. Of course I still LOVE Seattle. I always will. I'm just trying to sort out if this place is worth sticking around for. It was a dream to come here. It was a dream to be thriving here. But now the highs and lows of being here are reality and they're taking a toll. Is that just life or is it my heart telling me to move on?
I clutched my pillow and let the tears roll down my face. It was the first time I actually said it out loud. Whispered it into the night.
Heartbreak and relief fell over me.
We had a good run, Seattle and I. Our honeymoon phase lasted longer than most- 4.5 years for the win! But now I'm left asking if it's me or my life that has changed more. Just why is it that I'm not blissed out anymore?
These bigger life lessons, they don't take it easy on our hearts. Instead, they dramatically burst through our consciousness, wanting to be remembered. They need us to stir and make a move. Check mate.
I could continue to embrace the life I have here in Seattle despite the growing pains because maybe, just maybe, I'm on the brink of a breakthrough. Or I could put one foot in front of the other and head towards another blissful place. The root of this choice lies in the theory of fight to flight. If I moved away, I'd certainly be running towards something that makes me happy (i.e. family & friends), but I've also gotta check myself and make sure I'm not fleeing from this place that may be a little tougher and little less prettier than it used to be in my eyes. Of course I still LOVE Seattle. I always will. I'm just trying to sort out if this place is worth sticking around for. It was a dream to come here. It was a dream to be thriving here. But now the highs and lows of being here are reality and they're taking a toll. Is that just life or is it my heart telling me to move on?