I looked up, and somehow it's September 2021 (almost October). I keep a journal, but I haven't publicly written in 9+ months. This is hard to see since I used to write on here at least once every month. There are many reasons for my silence, most of which are very personal. In addition to handling my parents' divorce, my mother has moved to the same town I live in, and at various times I have been repairing fractures in the relationships I have with my mother, father, and sister. In June, I went back to my dad's place in Oswego, Kansas- the family house I grew up in. We went through many memories and threw away a lot. We still have more to sort and go through, and the entire experience was sad, but I'm mostly relieved to put the past behind me. At around the same time, I realized I have now lived in Emporia, Kansas, for longer than I have lived anywhere- even Oswego. This feels big for me. Maybe it's because I chose Emporia, and it still means so much to me. Maybe it's because my independence bounded out of me when I left my family home.
All the while, I've had many ups and downs of my own. Back in January, I moved in with one of my oldest friends. It wasn't just a choice that I wanted to make but one I felt like I needed to make. Financially it's helped me a bunch, but emotionally, it's been life-changing. Part of the reason why I ended up at Stormont Vail Behavioral Health Center in February of 2020 was because I lived alone. It was very isolating and not serving me well. I've also been exploring the paths to claiming disability. After learning about the roadblocks to that process, I have decided to focus on crafting better documentation of my chronic pain. For one, I created a calendar where I mark up every day I'm sick, out sick from work, and flexing time at work to make up for the work hours lost. Secondly, I made up a very detailed symptom tracker for myself that forces me to keep tabs on my blood pressure, migraines, vertigo, nausea, brain fog, fatigue, tinnitus, balance, and now, brain processing issues. I additionally record any health issue that is out of the ordinary.
All the while, I've had many ups and downs of my own. Back in January, I moved in with one of my oldest friends. It wasn't just a choice that I wanted to make but one I felt like I needed to make. Financially it's helped me a bunch, but emotionally, it's been life-changing. Part of the reason why I ended up at Stormont Vail Behavioral Health Center in February of 2020 was because I lived alone. It was very isolating and not serving me well. I've also been exploring the paths to claiming disability. After learning about the roadblocks to that process, I have decided to focus on crafting better documentation of my chronic pain. For one, I created a calendar where I mark up every day I'm sick, out sick from work, and flexing time at work to make up for the work hours lost. Secondly, I made up a very detailed symptom tracker for myself that forces me to keep tabs on my blood pressure, migraines, vertigo, nausea, brain fog, fatigue, tinnitus, balance, and now, brain processing issues. I additionally record any health issue that is out of the ordinary.
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The very best thing to happen to me since last December has been joining the Chronicon Community! What started off as an annual conference turned into a strong online community after COVID hit. Due to Chronicon, and social media in general, I've been actively engaging with people all over the globe. There's been book club discussions, health and wellness engagements, community support, and resource sharing. I'm in therapy too, so instead of bottling up all my pain, I've actually been talking to others about what it means to have an acquired disability. My reminder to myself every day is to find something I'm grateful for- it can be big or small- and write it down. This song and other uplifting songs don't hurt either!
