Summer 2016.
These pictures represent what THIS small town girl's dreams are made of (any other 90's kids hear Lizzie McGuire in their heads when those words pop up?? Yeah...cough, cough, me either). My sister and I finally took off and conquered NYC liked we had planned years before. It had its highs. It had its lows.
Seeing Broadway was one thing. Seeing Sara Bareilles' hit Broadway show had me spinnin'. And The Met was massively overwhelming but in a lovely, fascinating way. That fashion gallery had me wanting to max out my credit card.
The lows though, they snapped me back to reality. I got sick in the middle of our trip, it was very hot, and we encountered a bad bus scene one evening. I had to say it out loud to believe it, but New York is far too much for me. Although I had high hopes of living there one day, that was never going to happen because I didn't want it to. I blame Times Square, really. It's a cool place to say you've been just once, but that was my 2nd visit, and since I'm a true, blue introvert, it made my skin crawl. The local and artistic places are more my cup of tea, and just to be clear, I'm not swearing off New York all together! Since fall is my season, I plan to go back when the trees are turning. Yes, that briskness will be my jam!
Now don't misread this. My tone here isn't sad. I'm really thankful I had that moment of clarity before I actually did move to the Big Apple. Wouldn't it have been awful had I gotten settled there and then realized this? I truly believe this was part of God's plan. My 2016 trip was a test run if you will. NYC is a city, a place, just like everything else created, and in that way, it's far from perfect. I had put it on a pedestal for so long (i.e. my whole life), and saw it as a dream reality, not a real creation.
The point I'm trying to make? Nothing bad happened here. My dreams (and plans) just shifted. I'm not failing if I don't end up in NYC. I'm actually winning because I identified that it's NOT what I want.
Seeing Broadway was one thing. Seeing Sara Bareilles' hit Broadway show had me spinnin'. And The Met was massively overwhelming but in a lovely, fascinating way. That fashion gallery had me wanting to max out my credit card.
The lows though, they snapped me back to reality. I got sick in the middle of our trip, it was very hot, and we encountered a bad bus scene one evening. I had to say it out loud to believe it, but New York is far too much for me. Although I had high hopes of living there one day, that was never going to happen because I didn't want it to. I blame Times Square, really. It's a cool place to say you've been just once, but that was my 2nd visit, and since I'm a true, blue introvert, it made my skin crawl. The local and artistic places are more my cup of tea, and just to be clear, I'm not swearing off New York all together! Since fall is my season, I plan to go back when the trees are turning. Yes, that briskness will be my jam!
Now don't misread this. My tone here isn't sad. I'm really thankful I had that moment of clarity before I actually did move to the Big Apple. Wouldn't it have been awful had I gotten settled there and then realized this? I truly believe this was part of God's plan. My 2016 trip was a test run if you will. NYC is a city, a place, just like everything else created, and in that way, it's far from perfect. I had put it on a pedestal for so long (i.e. my whole life), and saw it as a dream reality, not a real creation.
The point I'm trying to make? Nothing bad happened here. My dreams (and plans) just shifted. I'm not failing if I don't end up in NYC. I'm actually winning because I identified that it's NOT what I want.
Summer 2017.
PC: PMJ Photography
On Memorial Day weekend, I made up my mind. I'd move back to the Midwest- with the hopes of landing in Kansas. I felt nervous, giddy, and sad, but since I was applying for jobs there anyways and getting my hopes up in the process, I took that as a pretty significant sign that this was the right move.
The night before I made the decision, I sat down and prayed to God to give me a sign. I can't make this stuff up, friends. I rarely remember my dreams, and that night I had a very vivid dream of home- even woke up with it on my lips. There was a tinge of sadness, but when people asked if I was sure, I replied with a smile and a yes. The sadness got heavier as my move date approached, but the way I see it, that's only a natural response to moving on from anything you love. I've said on here before, and I'll say it again, I didn't leave Seattle because I hated it. Quite the contrary. I just wasn't IN love with the city anymore, and it's hard to stay somewhere that's so far away from home when you don't have a person or family keeping you invested when all the life stuff happens. And that life-happening-stuff had a bigger impact on me than I had ever imagined. I missed funerals, birthdays, celebrations, and other milestones. My grandparents getting older made me feel the pull of it, but my mom getting sick was the kicker. How naive I was to assume that evil waits to encroach on our lives. I used to say, "I'll move back when they get older!" Ha. Age doesn't care, but my heart and mind sure did. Being independent wasn't so glamours anymore and neither was the stubbornness behind the phrase 'everything's okay'.
The point (again): nothing bad happened here!! My dreams (and plans) just shifted. I'm not failing because I left Seattle and moved back to Kansas. In fact, a friend surprised me by telling me that "it's actually courageous". I don't know if I would go that far, but I was feeling a tinge of failure as the evil voices in my head nagged at me, and this helped me squash that negative talk. Indeed, I'm winning because I identified what I DID want and went after THAT. Because I'm back and more content than I've been over the past 2 years. Because I jumped and landed among loved ones.
It's been awhile since I wrote up a blog post this vulnerable so I'll leave you with a chuckle. For fun and entertainment, here's Lizzie McGuire in her element, singing "What Dreams Are Made Of". ENJOY!
The night before I made the decision, I sat down and prayed to God to give me a sign. I can't make this stuff up, friends. I rarely remember my dreams, and that night I had a very vivid dream of home- even woke up with it on my lips. There was a tinge of sadness, but when people asked if I was sure, I replied with a smile and a yes. The sadness got heavier as my move date approached, but the way I see it, that's only a natural response to moving on from anything you love. I've said on here before, and I'll say it again, I didn't leave Seattle because I hated it. Quite the contrary. I just wasn't IN love with the city anymore, and it's hard to stay somewhere that's so far away from home when you don't have a person or family keeping you invested when all the life stuff happens. And that life-happening-stuff had a bigger impact on me than I had ever imagined. I missed funerals, birthdays, celebrations, and other milestones. My grandparents getting older made me feel the pull of it, but my mom getting sick was the kicker. How naive I was to assume that evil waits to encroach on our lives. I used to say, "I'll move back when they get older!" Ha. Age doesn't care, but my heart and mind sure did. Being independent wasn't so glamours anymore and neither was the stubbornness behind the phrase 'everything's okay'.
The point (again): nothing bad happened here!! My dreams (and plans) just shifted. I'm not failing because I left Seattle and moved back to Kansas. In fact, a friend surprised me by telling me that "it's actually courageous". I don't know if I would go that far, but I was feeling a tinge of failure as the evil voices in my head nagged at me, and this helped me squash that negative talk. Indeed, I'm winning because I identified what I DID want and went after THAT. Because I'm back and more content than I've been over the past 2 years. Because I jumped and landed among loved ones.
It's been awhile since I wrote up a blog post this vulnerable so I'll leave you with a chuckle. For fun and entertainment, here's Lizzie McGuire in her element, singing "What Dreams Are Made Of". ENJOY!