Connection & Its Immensity
September 25, 2016
One of my favorite Carrie Underwood songs is Something in the Water. These particular lyrics get me every time:
"And now I'm singing
along to Amazing Grace,
can't nobody wipe
this smile off my face.
Got joy in my heart,
angels by my side."
There's a rush of goosebumps even as I type. Suddenly, I'm grounded.
Today I'm writing out this blog because I realize what an awful mess I've been over the past week. There's been lots of cursing. Many moments of not believing that it'll all work out. Tears. Selfish, selfish seconds when I was only fixating on own (minute) problems. Then this morning, I woke up and wanted to worship. I sang and danced and lifted my hands up to God. I thanked Him for connection. For the moments He gave me that made my heart burn brighter, that made me regain strength. Moments that will probably never be captured ever again just as they were. Moments with my students. Moments with colleagues. Moments where I slowed down and read letters from others that left me breathless. What a beautiful, wonderful gift it is to have moments with other humans and be able to express or experience the immensity of connection. That's all we need in this world, right? Or so I've been told. And so I believe. Connection is the answer. Can't nobody wipe the smile off my face when I'm enthralled by how others are giving me life.
It's in those life-giving exchanges that I step out of my own selfishness. Suddenly my problems aren't problems. They are things: insignificant and waning. My attention is on that other person, and I want to give back to them. Not in a monetary sense. No, I want to give them my wholehearted self. Whether it's through words or a non-verbal exchange, I'm present and aware of what it means to care for another soul. I'm not thinking about how scary that is. How real and risky that might look like in the future. I'm only focused on how that particular exchange is impact-full.
Again and again, I am reminded of this lesson: things are fleeting but people and what we give to one another are eternal. It never soaks in until after the fact though. I hope that's okay, because God, I know I should know this by now, but the inspiring realizations are why I'm so humbled. I wish to keep seeking connections and moments that fill this world with more good.
"And now I'm singing
along to Amazing Grace,
can't nobody wipe
this smile off my face.
Got joy in my heart,
angels by my side."
There's a rush of goosebumps even as I type. Suddenly, I'm grounded.
Today I'm writing out this blog because I realize what an awful mess I've been over the past week. There's been lots of cursing. Many moments of not believing that it'll all work out. Tears. Selfish, selfish seconds when I was only fixating on own (minute) problems. Then this morning, I woke up and wanted to worship. I sang and danced and lifted my hands up to God. I thanked Him for connection. For the moments He gave me that made my heart burn brighter, that made me regain strength. Moments that will probably never be captured ever again just as they were. Moments with my students. Moments with colleagues. Moments where I slowed down and read letters from others that left me breathless. What a beautiful, wonderful gift it is to have moments with other humans and be able to express or experience the immensity of connection. That's all we need in this world, right? Or so I've been told. And so I believe. Connection is the answer. Can't nobody wipe the smile off my face when I'm enthralled by how others are giving me life.
It's in those life-giving exchanges that I step out of my own selfishness. Suddenly my problems aren't problems. They are things: insignificant and waning. My attention is on that other person, and I want to give back to them. Not in a monetary sense. No, I want to give them my wholehearted self. Whether it's through words or a non-verbal exchange, I'm present and aware of what it means to care for another soul. I'm not thinking about how scary that is. How real and risky that might look like in the future. I'm only focused on how that particular exchange is impact-full.
Again and again, I am reminded of this lesson: things are fleeting but people and what we give to one another are eternal. It never soaks in until after the fact though. I hope that's okay, because God, I know I should know this by now, but the inspiring realizations are why I'm so humbled. I wish to keep seeking connections and moments that fill this world with more good.
Appreciating What You Had (To Make Room for Loving Others)
June 21, 2016
Everyone has romantic pasts. These pasts are full of kisses, fights, whispered words, gifts, promises, and regretful actions. Despite the good and the bad, our relationships are some of the most intimate memories we have, and because of that, they are oh so vulnerable. Revealing bits and pieces means eventually explaining it all, and that means baring a whole lot more to others than we are usually willing to show. It’s why only a select few get to be privy to the lessons learned and the mistakes made. It’s what inspired this blog post. I was just about to start making sense of own moving on process when I headed to Facebook instead- not to vent or divulge but to pose the following 3 questions:
a.) What's considered "moving on" in your books?
b.) Is there a time limit?
c.) How do you know you've reached a point of resolution (if there ever is one)?
The answers I received were authentic gifts from friends in their 20s and 30s. People opened up in a way that doesn’t come around very often, and these reflections serve as snapshots of the many different stages of “moving on”- however someone defines that. The quotes don’t capture half of what was sent in, but it does give you an idea of how people cope with this real and unmistakable battle. Let’s get started!
a.) What's considered "moving on" in your books?
b.) Is there a time limit?
c.) How do you know you've reached a point of resolution (if there ever is one)?
The answers I received were authentic gifts from friends in their 20s and 30s. People opened up in a way that doesn’t come around very often, and these reflections serve as snapshots of the many different stages of “moving on”- however someone defines that. The quotes don’t capture half of what was sent in, but it does give you an idea of how people cope with this real and unmistakable battle. Let’s get started!
TECHNICALLY SPEAKING
So, this moving on thing is very abstract and can mean many different things to every single person out there. Here’s what my friends have to say about the time it takes.
“It depends on which stage of "moving on" you're talking about. [There’s] getting past the depression, accepting and loving yourself, accepting/forgiving the other person, [or] being ready for another relationship. 3-6 months is around the "clinical standard" timeline for the grieving process. But it could take longer to make the jump from grieving, to positive actions.”- Lars Watkins
"If you were with a person for years, it takes years. It's like you have to untangle yourself from all the memories and conversations and dreams and promises.”- Rachel Marshall
“Square the number of years together, divide by two: that's a decent track for the number of months before you are ready.”- Alex Klemm
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE FEELS?
What might be the hardest thing about moving on is separating the logical from the emotional. What emotions are involved?
“When mention of her no longer made me think anything - anger, resentment, sadness, etc. There was nothing.”- Nicki Viso
“I read somewhere that many guys actually have a harder time of letting go then women. I don't remember if it was a power thing or an emotion thing, but I was wondering if I'd ever move on from that last one because I'm still angry at her for how she bailed on me.”- Nik Bowen
“You know when your heart doesn't drop or beat loudly when you see them.”- Rachel Marshall
“When you still want to reach for something good and new after the pain has dulled a little…when you're not too bitter to open up…when you can still carry on with your day without bleak pessimism. It can still hurt, but the pain is something that doesn't take away from your life.”- Angelina Nelson
THE WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO FACTOR
“It took me shorter than less serious relationships though because I ended it and it had been in decline for about 6 months to 8 months.”- Nicki Viso
This was a factor in my own process. I was the one who broke it off with my long-time boyfriend of 5 years, and things had been off and on for awhile. The break-up was lengthy, and things are still unraveling for me. I’ve still got lots of work to do despite the fact that it’s been 3.5 years, and there’s still some guilt I carry around from being the one who called it quits for the last time.
THE GROWING APART FACTOR
“I also don't wish to see him or talk to him. It's not necessarily because it can reopen past wounds, but because neither one of us is the same person. It's like seeing and talking to a stranger, one that I don't wish to get to know.”- Nicole Casey
Nicole’s point reigns very true for me. I was only 16 when I met my ex. I hadn’t fully developed my own beliefs, and I certainly didn’t know how to express how I felt about them! I'm glad I could walk through my young years with my ex, but too many things changed in that time together.
DATING OTHERS
Well, and what about getting out there again? Bottom line is, dating is awkward! And it can be made even more uncomfortable when it’s your first blind date or first date in awhile. But how do you know you’re ready? And how does one even date?!
“It took me about 6 months to even entertain the thought of being with someone else and even then I felt really guilty, like I was betraying the commitment I had made within myself to be true and committed to this other person.”- Nik Bowen
“A few months after the break up, I was still broken up about the loss, but I thought that maybe getting back out there would help. I went on a date and about a half hour in, I realized I was not ready at all. That was when I decided to fully focus on myself.”- Mary Grayce Hart
“Love went away completely for me, when I felt nothing at the thought of them being with someone else.”- Theresa Brostowitz
“There’s the ‘middle of the night’ test -can you tell yourself with honesty you are fine without them there when you wake up in the middle of the night alone? It's easy to lie to yourself for a little while. Once you can hold it together in the dark with nobody to distract you and no barriers around your feelings, then you are probably good to go.”- Alex Klemm
THEY SAY IT’S A PROCESS, SO I’M PROCESSING
“You can't take a magic pill to make [the emotions] disappear. Some days are just better than others.”- Laken Tullis
“My last relationship didn't have a definitive end date. Also there were many moments where I felt I was getting better, but upon later reflection I really wasn't - but I was on a more positive path. Here I am almost a year out and I'm only just now thinking I'm finally shaking off the very last of the effects. Thank goodness I have so many wonderful, compassionate, supportive, and loving friends who helped see me through.”- Lars Watkins
What Lars and Laken shared really helped me gain clarity about my own situation. I’ve been starting to feel “behind.” Like I should be over all of this by now. It’s important to remember that there’s no rightway to move on, and we must accept the process that we’re going through as our own.
APPRECIATING WHAT YOU HAD (TO MAKE ROOM FOR LOVING OTHERS)
There’s something to be said about the grace it takes to end a meaningful relationship and keep it cordial. No matter the emotions, at some point it’s just better to accept what happened. Not just for the sake of being respectful to that other person but out of respect for ourselves.
“Even in new relationships this person might come up in your thoughts, but they shouldn't overcast the new love you’ve found.”- Laken Tullis
“I still wish my exes the best.”- Theresa Brostowitz
“Sometimes never. A part of my heart is with each person, regardless of how it ended, and I don't think love really ever goes away completely. I wouldn't be able to love my husband well if I hadn't loved others well.”- Laura Jacob Knobel
LOVING YOURSELF
I think the greatest gift gained from breaking up with someone is the time we get to ourselves. Even if that time is mournful, that grief can just be about YOU. It doesn’t have to be about the other person (even though 98% of the time, it probably will be). The time to yourself is a time to focus on hobbies, friends, and inward growth.
So, this moving on thing is very abstract and can mean many different things to every single person out there. Here’s what my friends have to say about the time it takes.
“It depends on which stage of "moving on" you're talking about. [There’s] getting past the depression, accepting and loving yourself, accepting/forgiving the other person, [or] being ready for another relationship. 3-6 months is around the "clinical standard" timeline for the grieving process. But it could take longer to make the jump from grieving, to positive actions.”- Lars Watkins
"If you were with a person for years, it takes years. It's like you have to untangle yourself from all the memories and conversations and dreams and promises.”- Rachel Marshall
“Square the number of years together, divide by two: that's a decent track for the number of months before you are ready.”- Alex Klemm
BUT WHAT ABOUT ALL THE FEELS?
What might be the hardest thing about moving on is separating the logical from the emotional. What emotions are involved?
“When mention of her no longer made me think anything - anger, resentment, sadness, etc. There was nothing.”- Nicki Viso
“I read somewhere that many guys actually have a harder time of letting go then women. I don't remember if it was a power thing or an emotion thing, but I was wondering if I'd ever move on from that last one because I'm still angry at her for how she bailed on me.”- Nik Bowen
“You know when your heart doesn't drop or beat loudly when you see them.”- Rachel Marshall
“When you still want to reach for something good and new after the pain has dulled a little…when you're not too bitter to open up…when you can still carry on with your day without bleak pessimism. It can still hurt, but the pain is something that doesn't take away from your life.”- Angelina Nelson
THE WHO BROKE UP WITH WHO FACTOR
“It took me shorter than less serious relationships though because I ended it and it had been in decline for about 6 months to 8 months.”- Nicki Viso
This was a factor in my own process. I was the one who broke it off with my long-time boyfriend of 5 years, and things had been off and on for awhile. The break-up was lengthy, and things are still unraveling for me. I’ve still got lots of work to do despite the fact that it’s been 3.5 years, and there’s still some guilt I carry around from being the one who called it quits for the last time.
THE GROWING APART FACTOR
“I also don't wish to see him or talk to him. It's not necessarily because it can reopen past wounds, but because neither one of us is the same person. It's like seeing and talking to a stranger, one that I don't wish to get to know.”- Nicole Casey
Nicole’s point reigns very true for me. I was only 16 when I met my ex. I hadn’t fully developed my own beliefs, and I certainly didn’t know how to express how I felt about them! I'm glad I could walk through my young years with my ex, but too many things changed in that time together.
DATING OTHERS
Well, and what about getting out there again? Bottom line is, dating is awkward! And it can be made even more uncomfortable when it’s your first blind date or first date in awhile. But how do you know you’re ready? And how does one even date?!
“It took me about 6 months to even entertain the thought of being with someone else and even then I felt really guilty, like I was betraying the commitment I had made within myself to be true and committed to this other person.”- Nik Bowen
“A few months after the break up, I was still broken up about the loss, but I thought that maybe getting back out there would help. I went on a date and about a half hour in, I realized I was not ready at all. That was when I decided to fully focus on myself.”- Mary Grayce Hart
“Love went away completely for me, when I felt nothing at the thought of them being with someone else.”- Theresa Brostowitz
“There’s the ‘middle of the night’ test -can you tell yourself with honesty you are fine without them there when you wake up in the middle of the night alone? It's easy to lie to yourself for a little while. Once you can hold it together in the dark with nobody to distract you and no barriers around your feelings, then you are probably good to go.”- Alex Klemm
THEY SAY IT’S A PROCESS, SO I’M PROCESSING
“You can't take a magic pill to make [the emotions] disappear. Some days are just better than others.”- Laken Tullis
“My last relationship didn't have a definitive end date. Also there were many moments where I felt I was getting better, but upon later reflection I really wasn't - but I was on a more positive path. Here I am almost a year out and I'm only just now thinking I'm finally shaking off the very last of the effects. Thank goodness I have so many wonderful, compassionate, supportive, and loving friends who helped see me through.”- Lars Watkins
What Lars and Laken shared really helped me gain clarity about my own situation. I’ve been starting to feel “behind.” Like I should be over all of this by now. It’s important to remember that there’s no rightway to move on, and we must accept the process that we’re going through as our own.
APPRECIATING WHAT YOU HAD (TO MAKE ROOM FOR LOVING OTHERS)
There’s something to be said about the grace it takes to end a meaningful relationship and keep it cordial. No matter the emotions, at some point it’s just better to accept what happened. Not just for the sake of being respectful to that other person but out of respect for ourselves.
“Even in new relationships this person might come up in your thoughts, but they shouldn't overcast the new love you’ve found.”- Laken Tullis
“I still wish my exes the best.”- Theresa Brostowitz
“Sometimes never. A part of my heart is with each person, regardless of how it ended, and I don't think love really ever goes away completely. I wouldn't be able to love my husband well if I hadn't loved others well.”- Laura Jacob Knobel
LOVING YOURSELF
I think the greatest gift gained from breaking up with someone is the time we get to ourselves. Even if that time is mournful, that grief can just be about YOU. It doesn’t have to be about the other person (even though 98% of the time, it probably will be). The time to yourself is a time to focus on hobbies, friends, and inward growth.
“It doesn't matter how long you take to move on, as long as you spend that time to focus on yourself, discover yourself, enjoy the moment, and see that all of the things with that person are just memories.”– Phuong (Emily) Nguyen
“I realized I was not only better off without him, but blessed, even. The relationship and breakup had taught me so much about myself, about my faith, and about life.”- Nicole Casey
"Someone is "moved on" when they feel that all their baggage from the last relationship doesn't hurt anymore, when they can think about the new possibilities."- Eirid (Yousef) Demmahom
“I never experienced heartache like that before and was able to help my friends and others who went through it. I could relate. I made friends that I probably wouldn't have made. I found comfort in being alone and doing things on my own again.”- Mary Grayce Hart
As I wrap up this lengthy but important post, I want to thank everyone who contributed. No matter where you are on the spectrum of your moving on process, your story is valued and appreciated! I learned so much from doing a piece like this. Sorting out all the themes was difficult but putting all the pieces together for a final product was an awesome endeavor. For you readers out there, I hope you find comfort in these intimate memories.
“I realized I was not only better off without him, but blessed, even. The relationship and breakup had taught me so much about myself, about my faith, and about life.”- Nicole Casey
"Someone is "moved on" when they feel that all their baggage from the last relationship doesn't hurt anymore, when they can think about the new possibilities."- Eirid (Yousef) Demmahom
“I never experienced heartache like that before and was able to help my friends and others who went through it. I could relate. I made friends that I probably wouldn't have made. I found comfort in being alone and doing things on my own again.”- Mary Grayce Hart
As I wrap up this lengthy but important post, I want to thank everyone who contributed. No matter where you are on the spectrum of your moving on process, your story is valued and appreciated! I learned so much from doing a piece like this. Sorting out all the themes was difficult but putting all the pieces together for a final product was an awesome endeavor. For you readers out there, I hope you find comfort in these intimate memories.
Planned Empowerment
December 6, 2015
imdb.com
In my conquest for finding a comfy movie to watch this morning, I stumbled upon Mona Lisa Smile. It caught my attention because I hadn't seen it since my family owned a VCR (remember those days?). If you're not familiar with the movie, it takes place in the 50's at the private, all-girls school of Wellesley College. The main character, an art professor from California, challenges the young women in her classes to think for themselves. That's really all the synopsis you need. If this post leaves you wanting more, great. I hope you watch it and enjoy.
For me, watching it all over again was a treat. I had forgotten most of the plot which I found to be fabulous and intriguing. The acting was great too, but what I was mostly captured by was the experiences in the movie that have reigned true for me. It's as if coming back to a movie after I've done some growing is an epiphany of sorts. I usually find myself contemplating two different things: (1) "Wow I actually liked this?" or (2) "Wow, the last time I watched this, I had a completely different concept of the world!" Mona Lisa Smile definitely stirred up a two inside of me. I hadn't seen the film in about 10 years so naturally, I'd come to realize how much I've grown.
2002 was long before I had an opinion about feminism or women's reproductive choices. I was aware of such concepts, of course, but I couldn't quite grasp what they meant for me or for other women. Nor did I fully grasp how empowering the whole college thing could be. I wanted to go, but I underestimated what my time there would look like. I know for a fact that I imagined freedom when I thought of college, but I never expected to be uncomfortable. I had hard classes in high school, but I never felt challenged to askWHY. Why things exist or why art is art or why societal norms are the way they are. I thrived off of that in college, and I thrive off of that now. I'm so thankful I've been able to pinpoint that as a reality for myself: I am a person who needs to be able to ask and challenge and grow from the tough questions.
On the contrary, to say a lot has changed in the world since then would be somewhat accurate, but it would also dismiss the current Planned Parenthood fiasco (not to mention other women's rights that have been ignored or flattened). I hadn't even planned to write about this issue until I considered how frustrating it is that we are still floundering about the same issues some 60 years later! I'm just disappointed by the whole situation when half the battle is arguing for what Planned Parenthood really stands for. It's not just about abortions. It's not just about birth control. The entire institution is about access and education and safety. Interesting how this issue and gun control are colliding, isn't it? Both are matters of access, education, and safety, yet one is much more protected because it's one of the amendments that was created by the founders of this country, founders that weren't women.
For me, watching it all over again was a treat. I had forgotten most of the plot which I found to be fabulous and intriguing. The acting was great too, but what I was mostly captured by was the experiences in the movie that have reigned true for me. It's as if coming back to a movie after I've done some growing is an epiphany of sorts. I usually find myself contemplating two different things: (1) "Wow I actually liked this?" or (2) "Wow, the last time I watched this, I had a completely different concept of the world!" Mona Lisa Smile definitely stirred up a two inside of me. I hadn't seen the film in about 10 years so naturally, I'd come to realize how much I've grown.
2002 was long before I had an opinion about feminism or women's reproductive choices. I was aware of such concepts, of course, but I couldn't quite grasp what they meant for me or for other women. Nor did I fully grasp how empowering the whole college thing could be. I wanted to go, but I underestimated what my time there would look like. I know for a fact that I imagined freedom when I thought of college, but I never expected to be uncomfortable. I had hard classes in high school, but I never felt challenged to askWHY. Why things exist or why art is art or why societal norms are the way they are. I thrived off of that in college, and I thrive off of that now. I'm so thankful I've been able to pinpoint that as a reality for myself: I am a person who needs to be able to ask and challenge and grow from the tough questions.
On the contrary, to say a lot has changed in the world since then would be somewhat accurate, but it would also dismiss the current Planned Parenthood fiasco (not to mention other women's rights that have been ignored or flattened). I hadn't even planned to write about this issue until I considered how frustrating it is that we are still floundering about the same issues some 60 years later! I'm just disappointed by the whole situation when half the battle is arguing for what Planned Parenthood really stands for. It's not just about abortions. It's not just about birth control. The entire institution is about access and education and safety. Interesting how this issue and gun control are colliding, isn't it? Both are matters of access, education, and safety, yet one is much more protected because it's one of the amendments that was created by the founders of this country, founders that weren't women.
Now even when I didn't understand women's choices, my mother instilled me the belief that controversial topics are never just black and white or right and wrong. Basically every issue we tend to argue about is grayed and blurred and complex because there are so many factors to the many choices we all make. That's why asking myself about the choices I make keeps me on the right path and considering the choices others make keeps me compassionate. It forces me to consider all the factors someone else may be going through or bringing with them to their current situation, and sometimes that perplexes me because it's not the choice I would make. However, that's the uncomfortable point, the point where I have to push past because we all have a right to our own choices, but who am I to judge if someone chooses a different path than I?
It's posts like these that make me remember: I am the women that came before me. Thank you to my mother, all the teachers and advisors that have inspired me, and yes, even the founders of Planned Parenthood, You've lived out an empowering lifestyle, and you've modeled it, too.
It's posts like these that make me remember: I am the women that came before me. Thank you to my mother, all the teachers and advisors that have inspired me, and yes, even the founders of Planned Parenthood, You've lived out an empowering lifestyle, and you've modeled it, too.
Trust
November 28, 2015
Belonging to a Jesuit community has been good for me. I'm continually inspired by my peers, and I'm once again engaging in intellectual conversations that ignite my soul. I'm a nerd that way. Judge away.
As part of the Contemplative Leaders in Action-Cohort 4, I've been challenging myself to choose better. The desire to better myself comes in waves. I get hung up on picking the "right" thing when I could pick what feels safer and less heavy. Unfortunately, the easier and safer things are often the ones that inflict the most pain. Would you agree? If you don't agree, consider this: when was the last time you picked a fight with someone you were about to say good-bye to? Maybe you don't do this, but I'm so guilty of this that it's annoyingly frustrating. Instead of stopping myself, I often get carried away and let the fight ensue. In retrospect, I see how weak I was in choosing such a reaction. In retrospect, I want to do more. I wish I hadn't bickered in such a pointless manner. In retrospect, I have the ability to capture that feeling and decide if I want to keep on acting on it. If the answer is "no," then I will try and catch myself in the act the next time. I'll hold onto the shame. I'll remember to do more. I'll choose better and hug my loved one instead. It seems simple really: reflect, act again, discern in the moment, and do better. It's not that easy of course, but I'm trying to put my best foot forward and march more deliberately. In this manner, I'm hoping to act as my better self, not just consider what my better self might do.
"If you don't want it, do you want to want it? Do you wish you were the kind of person that wanted this?"- James Martin, S.J.
Forgiveness.
Compassion.
Respect.
Trust.
This commandment, this question that Martin asks, it can be applied to just about anything. Insert: forgiveness. I ask myself, "If I'm having a hard time forgiving someone, do I want to be the person who can forgive them?"
Trust, though. It leaves a lump in my throat. "If I'm having a hard time trusting, do I want to be the person who can trust?" Well, of course I do! In every facet of my life I want to be able to trust the things that surround me, and in the most basic ways, I do. I have a roof over my head. I have job security. The missing pieces are self-fulfillment and actualization. I once trusted too easily and now I'm jaded. My guard is up. Once bitten, twice shy- or something like that. The times in my life when I've felt heartbreak, I've either taken a emotional beating or was let down very carelessly. Voices still ring in my ears- the words made me feel 10 inches tall. Hell, they still bring me down when I'm feeling insecure. They make me re-consider my abilities and capabilities. If I close my eyes, I can even feel my tear-stained cheeks the day I cried in public and didn't give a damn. You have to be pretty broken to be so vulnerable.
Thus, the question remains: how do I forge ahead? These things that are in the past are still weighing me down although I DO want to be the person that does trust again. It's up to me, I know. It's just the most recent hurdle I'm barreling through. Holding onto the grief is painful, but it does seems easier and safer than letting my guard down. This I know for sure. I need to let this all go. It's an internal battle that's now affecting other facets of my life. That is something I'm not okay with. I'm willing to fight for freedom from these trust issues.
"If you don't want it, do you want to want it? Do you wish you were the kind of person that wanted this?"- James Martin, S.J.
Forgiveness.
Compassion.
Respect.
Trust.
This commandment, this question that Martin asks, it can be applied to just about anything. Insert: forgiveness. I ask myself, "If I'm having a hard time forgiving someone, do I want to be the person who can forgive them?"
Trust, though. It leaves a lump in my throat. "If I'm having a hard time trusting, do I want to be the person who can trust?" Well, of course I do! In every facet of my life I want to be able to trust the things that surround me, and in the most basic ways, I do. I have a roof over my head. I have job security. The missing pieces are self-fulfillment and actualization. I once trusted too easily and now I'm jaded. My guard is up. Once bitten, twice shy- or something like that. The times in my life when I've felt heartbreak, I've either taken a emotional beating or was let down very carelessly. Voices still ring in my ears- the words made me feel 10 inches tall. Hell, they still bring me down when I'm feeling insecure. They make me re-consider my abilities and capabilities. If I close my eyes, I can even feel my tear-stained cheeks the day I cried in public and didn't give a damn. You have to be pretty broken to be so vulnerable.
Thus, the question remains: how do I forge ahead? These things that are in the past are still weighing me down although I DO want to be the person that does trust again. It's up to me, I know. It's just the most recent hurdle I'm barreling through. Holding onto the grief is painful, but it does seems easier and safer than letting my guard down. This I know for sure. I need to let this all go. It's an internal battle that's now affecting other facets of my life. That is something I'm not okay with. I'm willing to fight for freedom from these trust issues.
Why Not Me? Why Not You? A Review of Kaling's 2nd Book
November 6, 2015
Currently I am perched in a café booth near the 60th & Stanford intersection in Oakland, California. “Toto, we’re definitely not in Kansas anymore.”
This café I’m at, the Grease Box, well it’s anything but greasy. This place has charm. Rough-around-the-edges charm. Its cluttered spaces are beautified by little trinkets and pops of color. Like the 2 small flowers in a little bulb of a vase that sits right next to my booth. Adorable much?
And lil’ ol’ me? I’m soaking up the charm. I need some time to take this all in since I did just scarf down a delicious bagel sandwich that was both savory and sweet. Is there anything better than fine dining? There may be, but my stomach is living proof that life is too short not to enjoy the good food. Plus, the calories don’t count if you’re walking everywhere, right?
I started my weekend early yesterday, but I’m calling it vacation. It’s more fun that way since technically I’m here for a work conference. I left a few days early to soak up the sun and fun. That’s why my plan today consists of 3 simple things: eating, writing, and sipping fancy drinks. And by fancy, I do mean coffee and adult beverages. I’m indulging here. Leaving my normal habitat was exactly what this brain. I hope this change of pace sparks some novelist ideas. Adventures like this are why I scribble.
Where I Last Left You...
The last time I ranted on this platform, I was introducing this idea of reviewing Mindy Kaling's 2nd book, Why Not Me? Except...I didn't quite get to the review (oops). Instead, I analyzed comedy as a genre. I also expressed interest in being more comedic with my writing. The latter is a work in progress.
All Caught Up?
So...just what are my thoughts on Kaling's book? Well, here's my quick and dirty version: I loved it. For obvious reasons. Mindy once again proved she's relatable, hard-working, and hilarious. However, since this is a review and I am a writer, I'll be a little more critical and a lot more specific. In the book she divides her narratives into 4 sections. I'll be doing the same.
For the Ladies
Here’s my favorite passage from this one: “It’s traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That’s because there is virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best friend is enormous and profound. And if I look at it that way, I think I can see the value of a wedding If you’re my best friend and the only way I get to have dinner with you is by traveling thousands miles, selecting a chicken or fish option, and wearing a dress in the same shade of lavender as six other girls, I will do that. I won’t love it. But I love you.” As a fellow single gal, I gotta shout Amen Sista! As proud as I am for my friends who have walked down the aisle, there’s also a small piece of fear wrapped up in those hugs I give as I pass off my best wishes. Will this friendship change drastically? Will I be an outsider looking in? Will our conversations be paralyzed by comments such as these: “You just wouldn’t understand because you aren’t married/single…”?
Of course, things are supposed to change, but are we selfish people for hoping the foundation of the friendship we created doesn’t drastically shift because of a third wheel situation? If so, I’m a very selfish person. I’ve seen a few of these fears unfold, and it’s heartbreaking. It’s neither her fault nor mine. At the root of it all, I find comfort in understanding that the more things change, the more we want to hold tightly to one another. When panic gets the best of me, my people are always there to answer and vice versa. Thanks to Mindy for making me consider how this dilemma is fundamental. Such growing pains are crucial to seeing that the important relationships are important for a reason.
Take This Job and Love It
I’ll just say it. Lately, I’ve felt like my job is my child and my partner all rolled into one. I have to nurture the spectrum of emotions it brings, and it takes up most of my time. It’s demanding and the weight of the responsibility never feels lighter. This fall in particular, I have broken many of my own self-care rules by going in on multiple Saturdays, checking my emails on Sundays, and staying way past 5 PM. How and why is it worth it then? Because I’m an independent lady trying to make it in this world, and damn if I don’t feel this work paying off! Sometimes I’ll be in meetings or giving presentations and I don’t have to think so hard anymore. My experience leads me through the questions others ask of me, and it feels good to feel confident in places where I used to feel meek. Although Mindy’s work is quite different than my work in higher ed, it struck a cord. It reminded me that being nervous and antsy about the work we do keeps us grounded and motivated. Keep at it, worker bees!! Rejection and failure will be part of the journey, but overcoming the negative roadblocks creates a sense of earned pride. I’ve considered every one of my roadblocks to be a metaphorical initiation to this job that requires more of me. The challenge is here, and I’m in it, with all my heart.
Love, Dating, and Boys Who Ru(i)n the World
The subject matter of this book that most people are probably talking about: how Mindy finally chose to talk about her relationship with former co-worker and fellow colleague, B.J. Novak. Though I’m still a little confused, she did try to clearly articulate the complex relationship the two of them have. In her own words, she says, “‘Soulmates’ is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.” Watch Season 7 of The Office if you’re curious about this ‘soup snakes’ business.
I don’t think I would be too far off if I guessed that the chapter “A Perfectly Reasonable Request” was a fan-favorite for all the singletons out there. We just want to find a nice, kind person who we click with. That shouldn’t be too much ask, right?! Right.
All the Opinions You Will Ever Need
Much like Mindy, I’m gonna be really opinionated with this section. If you follow comedy at all, you know that many comedians have come out of the woodwork and expressed their aggravation with the “attack” on their jokes and the demand to be more respectful of political correctness. Though it’s becoming a trend that grinds my gears, it’s also been interesting to follow. That’s why I feel compelled to say the following: my biggest wish for comedy right now is that the comedians begin to think more critically about what they think is being attacked (I warned you this one would be a bit cheeky). Truthfully, if there were more comedians focusing less on how to dodge being PC, we’d have more Mindys that embrace their own personal identity and use that as a platform to speak out bravely about the things that matter. Things like body acceptance, earning respect, confidence, advocacy, and being bluntly real about feel marginalized in such privileged places like Hollywood. The greatest thing about Mindy’s advice is that it’s coated in encouragement. It’s like when she says, “Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled.” It’s true that I don’t know Mindy personally, but her book did make me feel she’s rooting for every one of her fans to succeed in life. By crafting the “why not me” narrative, she inadvertently pushes us to ask “Why not me?”
This café I’m at, the Grease Box, well it’s anything but greasy. This place has charm. Rough-around-the-edges charm. Its cluttered spaces are beautified by little trinkets and pops of color. Like the 2 small flowers in a little bulb of a vase that sits right next to my booth. Adorable much?
And lil’ ol’ me? I’m soaking up the charm. I need some time to take this all in since I did just scarf down a delicious bagel sandwich that was both savory and sweet. Is there anything better than fine dining? There may be, but my stomach is living proof that life is too short not to enjoy the good food. Plus, the calories don’t count if you’re walking everywhere, right?
I started my weekend early yesterday, but I’m calling it vacation. It’s more fun that way since technically I’m here for a work conference. I left a few days early to soak up the sun and fun. That’s why my plan today consists of 3 simple things: eating, writing, and sipping fancy drinks. And by fancy, I do mean coffee and adult beverages. I’m indulging here. Leaving my normal habitat was exactly what this brain. I hope this change of pace sparks some novelist ideas. Adventures like this are why I scribble.
Where I Last Left You...
The last time I ranted on this platform, I was introducing this idea of reviewing Mindy Kaling's 2nd book, Why Not Me? Except...I didn't quite get to the review (oops). Instead, I analyzed comedy as a genre. I also expressed interest in being more comedic with my writing. The latter is a work in progress.
All Caught Up?
So...just what are my thoughts on Kaling's book? Well, here's my quick and dirty version: I loved it. For obvious reasons. Mindy once again proved she's relatable, hard-working, and hilarious. However, since this is a review and I am a writer, I'll be a little more critical and a lot more specific. In the book she divides her narratives into 4 sections. I'll be doing the same.
For the Ladies
Here’s my favorite passage from this one: “It’s traumatizing to think that a best friend could become just a friend. That’s because there is virtually no difference between an acquaintance and a friend. But the gulf between a friend and a best friend is enormous and profound. And if I look at it that way, I think I can see the value of a wedding If you’re my best friend and the only way I get to have dinner with you is by traveling thousands miles, selecting a chicken or fish option, and wearing a dress in the same shade of lavender as six other girls, I will do that. I won’t love it. But I love you.” As a fellow single gal, I gotta shout Amen Sista! As proud as I am for my friends who have walked down the aisle, there’s also a small piece of fear wrapped up in those hugs I give as I pass off my best wishes. Will this friendship change drastically? Will I be an outsider looking in? Will our conversations be paralyzed by comments such as these: “You just wouldn’t understand because you aren’t married/single…”?
Of course, things are supposed to change, but are we selfish people for hoping the foundation of the friendship we created doesn’t drastically shift because of a third wheel situation? If so, I’m a very selfish person. I’ve seen a few of these fears unfold, and it’s heartbreaking. It’s neither her fault nor mine. At the root of it all, I find comfort in understanding that the more things change, the more we want to hold tightly to one another. When panic gets the best of me, my people are always there to answer and vice versa. Thanks to Mindy for making me consider how this dilemma is fundamental. Such growing pains are crucial to seeing that the important relationships are important for a reason.
Take This Job and Love It
I’ll just say it. Lately, I’ve felt like my job is my child and my partner all rolled into one. I have to nurture the spectrum of emotions it brings, and it takes up most of my time. It’s demanding and the weight of the responsibility never feels lighter. This fall in particular, I have broken many of my own self-care rules by going in on multiple Saturdays, checking my emails on Sundays, and staying way past 5 PM. How and why is it worth it then? Because I’m an independent lady trying to make it in this world, and damn if I don’t feel this work paying off! Sometimes I’ll be in meetings or giving presentations and I don’t have to think so hard anymore. My experience leads me through the questions others ask of me, and it feels good to feel confident in places where I used to feel meek. Although Mindy’s work is quite different than my work in higher ed, it struck a cord. It reminded me that being nervous and antsy about the work we do keeps us grounded and motivated. Keep at it, worker bees!! Rejection and failure will be part of the journey, but overcoming the negative roadblocks creates a sense of earned pride. I’ve considered every one of my roadblocks to be a metaphorical initiation to this job that requires more of me. The challenge is here, and I’m in it, with all my heart.
Love, Dating, and Boys Who Ru(i)n the World
The subject matter of this book that most people are probably talking about: how Mindy finally chose to talk about her relationship with former co-worker and fellow colleague, B.J. Novak. Though I’m still a little confused, she did try to clearly articulate the complex relationship the two of them have. In her own words, she says, “‘Soulmates’ is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.” Watch Season 7 of The Office if you’re curious about this ‘soup snakes’ business.
I don’t think I would be too far off if I guessed that the chapter “A Perfectly Reasonable Request” was a fan-favorite for all the singletons out there. We just want to find a nice, kind person who we click with. That shouldn’t be too much ask, right?! Right.
All the Opinions You Will Ever Need
Much like Mindy, I’m gonna be really opinionated with this section. If you follow comedy at all, you know that many comedians have come out of the woodwork and expressed their aggravation with the “attack” on their jokes and the demand to be more respectful of political correctness. Though it’s becoming a trend that grinds my gears, it’s also been interesting to follow. That’s why I feel compelled to say the following: my biggest wish for comedy right now is that the comedians begin to think more critically about what they think is being attacked (I warned you this one would be a bit cheeky). Truthfully, if there were more comedians focusing less on how to dodge being PC, we’d have more Mindys that embrace their own personal identity and use that as a platform to speak out bravely about the things that matter. Things like body acceptance, earning respect, confidence, advocacy, and being bluntly real about feel marginalized in such privileged places like Hollywood. The greatest thing about Mindy’s advice is that it’s coated in encouragement. It’s like when she says, “Work hard, know your shit, show your shit, and then feel entitled.” It’s true that I don’t know Mindy personally, but her book did make me feel she’s rooting for every one of her fans to succeed in life. By crafting the “why not me” narrative, she inadvertently pushes us to ask “Why not me?”
Dating Myself: Because I Can
September 26, 2015
Several months ago I had a compelling conversation with my hairdresser. She expressed how comforting it was to walk into a bar by herself with no one else's agenda hanging over her head. On several occasions, strangers became friends.
Around the same time, I was playing around with the idea of going to a concert by myself...
Around the same time, I was playing around with the idea of going to a concert by myself...
www.indgridmichaelson.com
I've been listening to Ingrid's music for about 8 years now. When her songs come on Grey's Anatomy, I still get emotional. Only problem with this concert thing was that I couldn't find someone to go with me. Was I seriously going to let the lack of a partner keep me from seeing one of my favorites sing her lovely rendition of "Can't Help Falling in Love"?! Heck no! I proudly went to that concert.
It's while I was waiting in line that my nerves got the best of me:
Are people looking at me?
Geez, they're probably thinking, "Aww, that poor single girl with no friends."
Ugh, how infuriating. Can people not enjoy themselves for the sake of being on their own? Why is there so much emphasis on buddying up?
Thank God for the mother and daughter behind me. They saved me from my own thoughts. The daughter was around my own age, and we had a fun time chatting it up before the show. By the time we were herded into the concert hall, we lost track of each other, and I was a lone ranger again. No numbers were exchanged, but it was a brief moment of human connection that doesn't organically happen too often when surrounded by large clumps of strangers who are at an event with their own "people."
I'd go on to have a lovely time at that concert. Being a shortie by herself for these things is a double-edged sword. I was able to sneak past the crowd and get to the front although I was still about a row or two away from the stage. Half the time was spent on my tip-toes, but I danced and sang along to every song. (There may have even been tears).
The Lesson Here?
Since coming to terms with "going it alone," I have enjoyed many more dates with myself. No one else was grabbing at my appetizers as I remembered what it was like to be a kid again because of Inside Out. I was able to cry in peace as I intently watched Julianne Moore's memory slip away in Still Alice. I've even been able to feel comfortable in grabbing a beer by my lonesome right before I jump on a plane at SeaTac.Why'd you wanna do that? you might ask.
Because I'm a grown (*%$) woman, and I CAN.
So I pose the question- just why am I brave for having to master the art of dating myself? I keep hearing this feedback more and more these days, and it tends to rub me the wrong way.
It's while I was waiting in line that my nerves got the best of me:
Are people looking at me?
Geez, they're probably thinking, "Aww, that poor single girl with no friends."
Ugh, how infuriating. Can people not enjoy themselves for the sake of being on their own? Why is there so much emphasis on buddying up?
Thank God for the mother and daughter behind me. They saved me from my own thoughts. The daughter was around my own age, and we had a fun time chatting it up before the show. By the time we were herded into the concert hall, we lost track of each other, and I was a lone ranger again. No numbers were exchanged, but it was a brief moment of human connection that doesn't organically happen too often when surrounded by large clumps of strangers who are at an event with their own "people."
I'd go on to have a lovely time at that concert. Being a shortie by herself for these things is a double-edged sword. I was able to sneak past the crowd and get to the front although I was still about a row or two away from the stage. Half the time was spent on my tip-toes, but I danced and sang along to every song. (There may have even been tears).
The Lesson Here?
Since coming to terms with "going it alone," I have enjoyed many more dates with myself. No one else was grabbing at my appetizers as I remembered what it was like to be a kid again because of Inside Out. I was able to cry in peace as I intently watched Julianne Moore's memory slip away in Still Alice. I've even been able to feel comfortable in grabbing a beer by my lonesome right before I jump on a plane at SeaTac.Why'd you wanna do that? you might ask.
Because I'm a grown (*%$) woman, and I CAN.
So I pose the question- just why am I brave for having to master the art of dating myself? I keep hearing this feedback more and more these days, and it tends to rub me the wrong way.
http://www.demilked.com/
Let me start by saying that I appreciate where people are coming from when they say this. I just don't find it brave to have to adapt to my current situation. The situation here being that I have tried and failed in dating other people. For the time being, no more OK Cupid. No more EHarmony. No more seeking out relationships, period. It'll happen when it happens. And the way I see it, being single is a daily and intentional choice to be content with where life has led me. I could be really sad and just wait for my future partner to come along, all the while missing out on a lot of exciting experiences...OR I could enjoy the moments as they come along, regardless of my relationship status.
Now I do believe moving to Seattle despite all the obstacles was brave of me, but I was led by my convictions to be in a city that brought me joy. Picking the option that brought me joy wasn't a brave move. It was the obvious move. The right one for me. The act of picking up my life in Kansas to endure all the challenges that life has thrown at me since moving to the Pacific Northwest- that is what's made me a stronger person. Just like living life without a partner has made me feel so much more comfortable with being alone in public. It's why the act of going alone isn't about bravery. My choice to go to the Ingrid Michaelson was solely based on a simple thread of common sense: I want (and am able) to go this concert. I'm going. With time, I've learned to embrace my single status. It is what it is, and I can't change that. Why not enjoy myself in the mean time?
It's not okay with me that our culture has also accepted that you should go with someone when stepping out into this world. Cannot I not just enjoy what I want to enjoy because I have a desire to enjoy it? Why must I have to feel insecure about my own interests and text every friend I know just to find out that they have other plans or don't have the same taste in music or art? If I put my choices on hold for every person that said "Nah, I'm not interested" I wouldn't be left with my choices. I'd only be dependent on the choices made by others.
Now I do believe moving to Seattle despite all the obstacles was brave of me, but I was led by my convictions to be in a city that brought me joy. Picking the option that brought me joy wasn't a brave move. It was the obvious move. The right one for me. The act of picking up my life in Kansas to endure all the challenges that life has thrown at me since moving to the Pacific Northwest- that is what's made me a stronger person. Just like living life without a partner has made me feel so much more comfortable with being alone in public. It's why the act of going alone isn't about bravery. My choice to go to the Ingrid Michaelson was solely based on a simple thread of common sense: I want (and am able) to go this concert. I'm going. With time, I've learned to embrace my single status. It is what it is, and I can't change that. Why not enjoy myself in the mean time?
It's not okay with me that our culture has also accepted that you should go with someone when stepping out into this world. Cannot I not just enjoy what I want to enjoy because I have a desire to enjoy it? Why must I have to feel insecure about my own interests and text every friend I know just to find out that they have other plans or don't have the same taste in music or art? If I put my choices on hold for every person that said "Nah, I'm not interested" I wouldn't be left with my choices. I'd only be dependent on the choices made by others.
Knowing Why: Hail to Feminism
March 12, 2015
"For pushing the boundaries forward, you must be prepared for backlash."
- Jeff Chang (speaker & author)
2003: I was finishing up middle school. A single incident catapulted the Dixie Chicks into a heated, political discussion about freedom of speech, US representation, and how you represent your peers. The peers in this instance: other musicians, specifically "Country" musicians. I remember there being shame and rage, both in the news and among family and friends. Though I didn't understand, I felt a pang of empathy for Natalie, Martie, and Emily. Their controversy sparked my interest in this idea of being female, having an opinion, and not being shhh'ed. All sorts of questions came up for me. I thought to myself:
- Jeff Chang (speaker & author)
2003: I was finishing up middle school. A single incident catapulted the Dixie Chicks into a heated, political discussion about freedom of speech, US representation, and how you represent your peers. The peers in this instance: other musicians, specifically "Country" musicians. I remember there being shame and rage, both in the news and among family and friends. Though I didn't understand, I felt a pang of empathy for Natalie, Martie, and Emily. Their controversy sparked my interest in this idea of being female, having an opinion, and not being shhh'ed. All sorts of questions came up for me. I thought to myself:
- Why couldn't they speak up?
- Were they under so much scrutiny because they said what they did in another country?
- Was it the fact that they bashed Bush instead of his stance on the war?
- Was it because they were women?
- Just because you belong to a career that is primarily conservative, does that mean you can't have a more liberal stance, approach, or belief system (or vice versa)?
I know you said, can't you just get over it? (Not Ready to Make Nice, 2006)
After a 2-3 year hiatus (which I'm sure was needed), the Dixie Chicks released Taking the Long Way, their 5th record. I didn't enjoy every song, but it was my favorite album of theirs. And I only saw the video Not Ready to Make Nice once. That's all it took. I was sold. Wide-eyed and full of hope, I wished to make a statement like that someday. Alas, I wasn't there yet. I'm still not there.
This memory is vivid because when I hear Not Ready to Make Nice, I consider my own moments of feeling shh'ed. Some are old and others are fresh. All of them add up. They contribute to why I didn't just became a feminist. It was a recognition process that I recognized over and over again. Feminism was a gradual process that turned into a conscious decision.
Back then (circa 2006), I was a boy-crazy sophomore. Things were stirring inside of me. It was the same year I was called a prude for not giving it up. I started appreciating musicians that produced music from a more authentic and artistic place. My opinions were never vocalized, but I thought them up. I saw human issues in grey, not black and white. Even at 15, I found it acceptable to be gay. I didn't know how I felt about the actual act of abortion, but I did believe that it was a woman's choice. I was attending church and found love and compassion in the Christian community, but I wanted to understand where religious others were coming from, too. Suddenly, I was the awkward liberal girl who was also very shy. It was the weirdest combination because in no way did I feel comfortable sharing! I needed to be in discourse about my silent thoughts, and so, the idea of college grew even more charming. I think it's why I was uncomfortable in high school--the not sharing part, it was stifling.
This memory is vivid because when I hear Not Ready to Make Nice, I consider my own moments of feeling shh'ed. Some are old and others are fresh. All of them add up. They contribute to why I didn't just became a feminist. It was a recognition process that I recognized over and over again. Feminism was a gradual process that turned into a conscious decision.
Back then (circa 2006), I was a boy-crazy sophomore. Things were stirring inside of me. It was the same year I was called a prude for not giving it up. I started appreciating musicians that produced music from a more authentic and artistic place. My opinions were never vocalized, but I thought them up. I saw human issues in grey, not black and white. Even at 15, I found it acceptable to be gay. I didn't know how I felt about the actual act of abortion, but I did believe that it was a woman's choice. I was attending church and found love and compassion in the Christian community, but I wanted to understand where religious others were coming from, too. Suddenly, I was the awkward liberal girl who was also very shy. It was the weirdest combination because in no way did I feel comfortable sharing! I needed to be in discourse about my silent thoughts, and so, the idea of college grew even more charming. I think it's why I was uncomfortable in high school--the not sharing part, it was stifling.
Well, you know what happens when something gets stifled, don'tcha? The reaction is never all to pretty. It's one regret of my young life- the initial stance I took on feminism. Around the time I started this blog, I was gaining a larger appreciation for diversity. I made the decision to pursue my Master's. Grounded but head-strong. That's how I'd describe myself. I knew who I was, what I wanted to do, and my passion was there, but I was very adamant about becoming a person in my own right. Isn't that what my passions were leading me to? Even in a relationship, I needed space to be someone other than his girlfriend. I didn't like it, but I kept on it. There was a pushy urgency to prove my womanhood when I hadn't even done my own reflection around why I wanted to claim the identity.
I can't say I've enjoyed being single for 2+ years now, but it has done me some good. Lately, I've been thinking about how my parents and their lasting marriage is highly influential. It's constructed a certain standard or a precedent for what I expect out of gender roles and communication styles. I appreciate vulnerability and desire a man who can't just cook but likes to cook or clean or help because he doesn't believe in gendered expectations or standards. I also appreciate a man who can understand how my career is an important piece of me that I'm not willing to give up, regardless of money or quality of life. I wish for my career to advance, and I plan on being an educator and a writer until I loose the will to do so. It's why feminism isn't a defensive proclamation anymore but an empowering tool that helps in my process of being a better partner and a female.
Declaring feminism is also about clearing up the misconceptions. Here are some of my thoughts on the most common misconceptions that I hear:
You know why I even felt compelled to consider feminism? Because I felt it in my toes. I knew it was the right choice for me. It was a lofty choice, but it was mine. I picked a side a long time ago, but since then, I've been on a journey to figure out what's more important to me: the statement or making sure I know why I'm a feminist in the first place. Likewise, I don't wish for any one person to be feminist if they have no desire to do so or it just doesn't feel fitting. It's an identity to claim and it's a identity not to claim. I feel the same about wishing to be a mom and knowing you don't want to be a mom. I guess you could sayI'm a woman for other women in that way, so this is my message to all the females reading this post: feel affirmed in the decisions you make. You should go on and be successful, happy people who are doing things you value because you value them. There may be backlash for whatever that value entails, but being okay with standing by values is all part of the human experience, not just the female one. Be proud, refuse to be shh'ed, and feel that empowerment whoosh over you as you make things happen.
Interested in learning more? Consider reading this:
Through the Labyrinth: The Truth about how Women Become Leaders- Alice Eagly & Linda Carli
I can't say I've enjoyed being single for 2+ years now, but it has done me some good. Lately, I've been thinking about how my parents and their lasting marriage is highly influential. It's constructed a certain standard or a precedent for what I expect out of gender roles and communication styles. I appreciate vulnerability and desire a man who can't just cook but likes to cook or clean or help because he doesn't believe in gendered expectations or standards. I also appreciate a man who can understand how my career is an important piece of me that I'm not willing to give up, regardless of money or quality of life. I wish for my career to advance, and I plan on being an educator and a writer until I loose the will to do so. It's why feminism isn't a defensive proclamation anymore but an empowering tool that helps in my process of being a better partner and a female.
Declaring feminism is also about clearing up the misconceptions. Here are some of my thoughts on the most common misconceptions that I hear:
- One, the title of feminist doesn't equate to uptight bitch (the stereotype behind that is why the movement exists in the first place).
- Two, men can be feminist. In fact, anyone on the gender spectrum can claim this identity.
- Three, a person can be feminist and enjoy being domestic! Myself personally, I love cooking and baking. Cleaning isn't my favorite, but it does help me clear my head!
- Lastly, feminism is complex. It isn't just about wages or gender roles.
You know why I even felt compelled to consider feminism? Because I felt it in my toes. I knew it was the right choice for me. It was a lofty choice, but it was mine. I picked a side a long time ago, but since then, I've been on a journey to figure out what's more important to me: the statement or making sure I know why I'm a feminist in the first place. Likewise, I don't wish for any one person to be feminist if they have no desire to do so or it just doesn't feel fitting. It's an identity to claim and it's a identity not to claim. I feel the same about wishing to be a mom and knowing you don't want to be a mom. I guess you could sayI'm a woman for other women in that way, so this is my message to all the females reading this post: feel affirmed in the decisions you make. You should go on and be successful, happy people who are doing things you value because you value them. There may be backlash for whatever that value entails, but being okay with standing by values is all part of the human experience, not just the female one. Be proud, refuse to be shh'ed, and feel that empowerment whoosh over you as you make things happen.
Interested in learning more? Consider reading this:
Through the Labyrinth: The Truth about how Women Become Leaders- Alice Eagly & Linda Carli
Rejection
February 24, 2015
I'm aware that plenty of the Life Scribbler readership doesn't listen to country music. I'm gonna resist the urge to dwell on how that makes me sad, but if you can BARE to give this song a quick listen, you should.
Are you listening??
It's not Miranda's best, but the song does a nice job of summing up a rural childhood., that is, if any of you city kids were wondering.
Oswego, Kansas is 10 minutes away from the Oklahoma border and 30 minutes away from the Missouri border. It's about two miles big with 1,500 people. There were only 33 people in my graduating class. When I was standing in the middle of Central Park, I realized Oswego could fit into the center of New York City. Like WOAH.
The town--my town--it sits on a beautiful bluff. Our park overlooks the drop-off where miles of fields meet the Neosho River. Normal is a traffic-pile-up of 5 cars at the four-way stop. It's far from the fast-paced, latte world I belong to now. Another normalcy is people knowing everything about you. Literally. And us kids are glorified in the newspapers. My mom has clippings in a memory book to prove it. There are snippets of honor rolls, prizes, participation, cheer routines, and my glory days as co-valedictorian. Dad still says it very jokingly but proudly. He says, "Eden, you were a big fish in a little pond," which is a weird thing to receive, ya know? Don't get me wrong, I liked the attention growing up, but there wasn't anything special about me! I was a nerdy perfectionist who was just trying to keep busy until I could leave and start my life as a writer or a fashionate, but because I did "notable" things in a small town, some of my story became public knowledge.
It's this weird privilege I've never chose to talk about because not everyone grows up in a small town where the news highlights the youth! Awesome, right? Looking back on it now, the whole tradition created such a sense of youthful energy. I wanted to do better and be better because my community believed in me. It's like when I was living back at home after I graduated from ESU. Someone came up to me at the bank. I recognized her face, but I couldn't recall a name. However, she knew me! She knew all about my Outstanding Senior award and how I was moving to Seattle. I was shocked. It humbled me. I'll never forget it.
Let me tell you, though. Nothing has humbled me up more than being rejected. Over the past 3 years, I have been rejected countless times, by organizations and jobs and schools. After each loss, I remind myself that it's not about getting it or not getting it. It's about trying as hard as hell to go after what matters to me. Like interviewing with a non-profit in New York back in the spring. The idea of it all was glamorous.
The job: supporting and advising low-income students of Brooklyn. Not so glamorous, but exactly where I wanted to be professionally- helping those who are capable of doing big things. And NYC? That was the highest desire- my lofty and romanticized dream. I was willing to do it even if I had to scrape by for a few years. And believe me, I would've been scraping. I was going to yes to an offer, but the offer never came. I was heartbroken. I bawled thinking that my haters were right. I was settling for Seattle. They didn't hire me because I kept my nose ring in. I don't take enough risks. Stupid stuff that I knew wasn't true! Then, in December, I was curious- did they have any recent job openings? I put myself out there only to be rejected once again, but this time I was better with the result. It was an upset, but I'd be okay. Interviewing with the company only affirmed my plan to work for marginalized communities.
Lessons I've learned:
[notes to myself and others]
1A. Rejection steers you to the opportunities that were meant to be.
1B. Okay, so "meant to be" doesn't always bring about happiness, but the opportunity will always teach you something. Stay positive. Try to see the silver lining. What skills do you now have as a result of the hardships?
2. If you didn't get an opportunity based on outward appearance or how you authentically showed up, ask yourself: was that opportunity worth having? Would you be content in an environment where you can't be yourself?
3. Rejection is best pals with adaptability and risk. Let them mold you. They want to make you a stronger individual who puts yourself out there. Keep doing it! Don't let it break you. Let it motivate you to apply to that next job or gig. All of us are faced with various types of rejection throughout our entirety. The younger we figure out what it looks like, the better.
4. Rejection may have nothing to do with you!! The hiring process is a puzzle, and sometimes, you may have figured out a way to fit the job into your puzzle, but the job couldn't make you fit within it's already established system. The company may be looking for an internal candidate instead of an external one, or vice versa. Maybe with a little more experience, you would've had it! In the mean time, reevaluate the type of positions you're going for. Are they at a level that is reflective of your experience?
5. Don't listen to the voices in your head! Don't listen to the haters, either! Okay, okay, so you're going to hear them, but just remember #3. YOU are the one putting yourself out there. Not them.
"It's not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the do-er of deeds could have done it better. The credit belongs to the person who's actually in the arena. [...] Who at best, in the end, knows the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, he fails daring greatly."- Theodore Roosevelt
6. Rejection sometimes means starting at the bottom. But guess what?? Starting at the bottom is not settling. It's recognizing that you have work to do. You have people to learn from. Make ends meet. Struggle A LOT. Do what whatever you have to, and then share with others your story on overcoming the growing pains. Maybe this is a mentee, a student, a friend. Maybe it's your future kids.
7. Don't dwell on the rejection, but DO pay attention to it. It helps you get better and wiser and it builds character. If you're still young, be thankful that you're learning so much. What is success if it comes without adversity?
It's not Miranda's best, but the song does a nice job of summing up a rural childhood., that is, if any of you city kids were wondering.
Oswego, Kansas is 10 minutes away from the Oklahoma border and 30 minutes away from the Missouri border. It's about two miles big with 1,500 people. There were only 33 people in my graduating class. When I was standing in the middle of Central Park, I realized Oswego could fit into the center of New York City. Like WOAH.
The town--my town--it sits on a beautiful bluff. Our park overlooks the drop-off where miles of fields meet the Neosho River. Normal is a traffic-pile-up of 5 cars at the four-way stop. It's far from the fast-paced, latte world I belong to now. Another normalcy is people knowing everything about you. Literally. And us kids are glorified in the newspapers. My mom has clippings in a memory book to prove it. There are snippets of honor rolls, prizes, participation, cheer routines, and my glory days as co-valedictorian. Dad still says it very jokingly but proudly. He says, "Eden, you were a big fish in a little pond," which is a weird thing to receive, ya know? Don't get me wrong, I liked the attention growing up, but there wasn't anything special about me! I was a nerdy perfectionist who was just trying to keep busy until I could leave and start my life as a writer or a fashionate, but because I did "notable" things in a small town, some of my story became public knowledge.
It's this weird privilege I've never chose to talk about because not everyone grows up in a small town where the news highlights the youth! Awesome, right? Looking back on it now, the whole tradition created such a sense of youthful energy. I wanted to do better and be better because my community believed in me. It's like when I was living back at home after I graduated from ESU. Someone came up to me at the bank. I recognized her face, but I couldn't recall a name. However, she knew me! She knew all about my Outstanding Senior award and how I was moving to Seattle. I was shocked. It humbled me. I'll never forget it.
Let me tell you, though. Nothing has humbled me up more than being rejected. Over the past 3 years, I have been rejected countless times, by organizations and jobs and schools. After each loss, I remind myself that it's not about getting it or not getting it. It's about trying as hard as hell to go after what matters to me. Like interviewing with a non-profit in New York back in the spring. The idea of it all was glamorous.
The job: supporting and advising low-income students of Brooklyn. Not so glamorous, but exactly where I wanted to be professionally- helping those who are capable of doing big things. And NYC? That was the highest desire- my lofty and romanticized dream. I was willing to do it even if I had to scrape by for a few years. And believe me, I would've been scraping. I was going to yes to an offer, but the offer never came. I was heartbroken. I bawled thinking that my haters were right. I was settling for Seattle. They didn't hire me because I kept my nose ring in. I don't take enough risks. Stupid stuff that I knew wasn't true! Then, in December, I was curious- did they have any recent job openings? I put myself out there only to be rejected once again, but this time I was better with the result. It was an upset, but I'd be okay. Interviewing with the company only affirmed my plan to work for marginalized communities.
Lessons I've learned:
[notes to myself and others]
1A. Rejection steers you to the opportunities that were meant to be.
1B. Okay, so "meant to be" doesn't always bring about happiness, but the opportunity will always teach you something. Stay positive. Try to see the silver lining. What skills do you now have as a result of the hardships?
2. If you didn't get an opportunity based on outward appearance or how you authentically showed up, ask yourself: was that opportunity worth having? Would you be content in an environment where you can't be yourself?
3. Rejection is best pals with adaptability and risk. Let them mold you. They want to make you a stronger individual who puts yourself out there. Keep doing it! Don't let it break you. Let it motivate you to apply to that next job or gig. All of us are faced with various types of rejection throughout our entirety. The younger we figure out what it looks like, the better.
4. Rejection may have nothing to do with you!! The hiring process is a puzzle, and sometimes, you may have figured out a way to fit the job into your puzzle, but the job couldn't make you fit within it's already established system. The company may be looking for an internal candidate instead of an external one, or vice versa. Maybe with a little more experience, you would've had it! In the mean time, reevaluate the type of positions you're going for. Are they at a level that is reflective of your experience?
5. Don't listen to the voices in your head! Don't listen to the haters, either! Okay, okay, so you're going to hear them, but just remember #3. YOU are the one putting yourself out there. Not them.
"It's not the critic who counts. It's not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the do-er of deeds could have done it better. The credit belongs to the person who's actually in the arena. [...] Who at best, in the end, knows the triumph of high achievement, and who at worst, if he fails, he fails daring greatly."- Theodore Roosevelt
6. Rejection sometimes means starting at the bottom. But guess what?? Starting at the bottom is not settling. It's recognizing that you have work to do. You have people to learn from. Make ends meet. Struggle A LOT. Do what whatever you have to, and then share with others your story on overcoming the growing pains. Maybe this is a mentee, a student, a friend. Maybe it's your future kids.
7. Don't dwell on the rejection, but DO pay attention to it. It helps you get better and wiser and it builds character. If you're still young, be thankful that you're learning so much. What is success if it comes without adversity?
Concern Without Faith
Part 3 of 3, a social justice blog series
January 28, 2015
Before I exhaust where this is going, the Conversation series is coming to an end. In parts one and two, I voiced my opinions on Ferguson and the #BlackLivesMatter movement to explore just how I really felt about these very heated and political issues. I dived deeper into the concepts of communities of practices, gentrification, and multicultural competence. There was speculation about my own awareness and why this matters to me. I'm even hopeful that this reached someone. Not because I consider my own way of thinking as superior, but because I do believe we owe it to ourselves to explore the questions of this world- even when the topic is extremely uncomfortable.
"How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening its harshness."- Ecclesiastes 8:1
"All education is a continuous dialogue--questions and answers that pursue every problem to the horizon."-Justice William O Douglas
I'll tackle this subject from another angle in part three- a call to action addressed to myself and others. It's a continual process that looks different on everyone, Relationships and conflicting emotions always get in the way. Mistakes are made. Pain is felt. There's no right way. We just have to be willing to wake up and be aware of the systems around us that hurt others, even if they don't hurt us. But why is that such a hang up for so many folks? We can have empathy for our closest friends and family, but did you know that there's a gap that exists when empathy and race coincide? That's right. There's actually a theory out there that suggests we as a human race tend to clump racial experiences together. This not only produces stereotypes, but it also makes us think that all people of one race tend to have the same experiences. The biggest evil of this gap? Just how defensive people get when it's talked about. They feel threatened- a legitimate feeling. But what I, and so many others want to move past is a blame game! I've been guilty of biases and assumptions. Everyone has. It's a human problem, but it's also a systematic one that is caused because of our judicial system and our educational system and police system. Let's start looking at this like we're solving a problem, not solving each other.
If acceptance and willingness come first, then "unlearning" racism is the second step. Wow. Hard. So complex. I'm not suggesting it as to say it's easy. I'm still unlearning, but I've also come to realize that I can't unlearn what I now know about racial issues.
To stop analyzing this so individually and imagine the grander scope and magnitude of our racist acts, we've got to be honest about the social norms that make it seem okay to judge others that are on food stamps or going to jail at 17 or not heading to college because it's more important to work and support their family. That doesn't necessarily mean those people are lazy or thugs or uneducated. In fact, it may mean they go to a poorly funded school. It may mean that they don't have a role model that looks like them so they assume people of color don't grow up to be writers or teachers or scientists.
Joining me on this post is Theresa Brostowitz, a peer and friend from my Seattle U days (see picture on the left).
"How wonderful to be wise, to analyze and interpret things. Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening its harshness."- Ecclesiastes 8:1
"All education is a continuous dialogue--questions and answers that pursue every problem to the horizon."-Justice William O Douglas
I'll tackle this subject from another angle in part three- a call to action addressed to myself and others. It's a continual process that looks different on everyone, Relationships and conflicting emotions always get in the way. Mistakes are made. Pain is felt. There's no right way. We just have to be willing to wake up and be aware of the systems around us that hurt others, even if they don't hurt us. But why is that such a hang up for so many folks? We can have empathy for our closest friends and family, but did you know that there's a gap that exists when empathy and race coincide? That's right. There's actually a theory out there that suggests we as a human race tend to clump racial experiences together. This not only produces stereotypes, but it also makes us think that all people of one race tend to have the same experiences. The biggest evil of this gap? Just how defensive people get when it's talked about. They feel threatened- a legitimate feeling. But what I, and so many others want to move past is a blame game! I've been guilty of biases and assumptions. Everyone has. It's a human problem, but it's also a systematic one that is caused because of our judicial system and our educational system and police system. Let's start looking at this like we're solving a problem, not solving each other.
If acceptance and willingness come first, then "unlearning" racism is the second step. Wow. Hard. So complex. I'm not suggesting it as to say it's easy. I'm still unlearning, but I've also come to realize that I can't unlearn what I now know about racial issues.
To stop analyzing this so individually and imagine the grander scope and magnitude of our racist acts, we've got to be honest about the social norms that make it seem okay to judge others that are on food stamps or going to jail at 17 or not heading to college because it's more important to work and support their family. That doesn't necessarily mean those people are lazy or thugs or uneducated. In fact, it may mean they go to a poorly funded school. It may mean that they don't have a role model that looks like them so they assume people of color don't grow up to be writers or teachers or scientists.
Joining me on this post is Theresa Brostowitz, a peer and friend from my Seattle U days (see picture on the left).
I have many solutions to this problem, but feel helpless to implement them. My first introduction to what I will brand very generally as “social justice work” was traumatic. I was 25 years old and felt that I had considerable life experience and understanding of the world around me. The problem was that I had gone 25 years before I began this conversation. At the dawn of this realization, I felt cheated. I had managed to escape the examination of my privilege for over a quarter of my natural life-span.
I dream of a world where no would fathom reaching the age of 25 without being called to examine their privilege and the system that maintain it. I dream of a world where we all engage in dialogue, as a nation, and examine our systems and structures in an educated and compassionate way to use the collective genius of our humanity to change this world for the better. I wish others to be spared the pain and suffering born of my delayed education and instead, to be filled with determined, realistic optimism that comes from an understanding developed over a lifetime.
I wish America were having one conversation right now. I wish as a national community we could come together to engage in dialogue about one important topic--systems of inequity and inequality, even if each voice has a different perspective, idea, or challenge for our fellow Americans (I extend that identity to all people who wish to claim it for themselves).
Theresa's plea is raw. Humanistic. It's fearful, but there's an urgency. We have to figure this out! My SDA portfolio was my raw plea. I remember being terrified of publishing that website, but it was more important to me to put a stamp on how I conduct myself, personally and professionally. Without taking socially justice action, without choosing to have this conversation, I see myself as being complacent, and that is not living out my values of compassion or faith.
About a year or so ago, I was pushing myself to do this research project, an independent study on what it meant to be a first-generation college student (the first in the family to go to college) who identified with a spiritual or religious belief. The project taught me more than things than I will ever be able to sum up, including how to question a system in which I have full faith in.
The system: Seattle University
What I called into question: Are we doing enough to serve these groups of students? How are we assessing this identity? Do we even know what these students might need?
Up until then, I think I idolized Seattle U. Actually, I know I did. It was a good fit for me educationally, and I loved my job. I had a tough time transitioning, but the place changed lives- it was changing mine. The mission alone stands solid and proud: "Seattle University is dedicated to educating the whole person, to professional formation, and to empowering leaders for a just and humane world."
Newsflash, 2013 Eden, a mission is what we strive to be. It's not necessarily what we are. It's a measurement. A tool. By assessing these questions, I was finally onto something! I was further examining how I fit into the system, how others fit into the system, and how we have a moral duty to respond to larger issues that impact our students, even if they're complex and tricky. Suddenly, I wasn't just trusting of SU. Although I still saw it's beauty, I also saw what it could improve upon.It was in grad school that I also discovered Paul Tillich, philosopher and theologian who's teachings affirmed this belief. He once said, "Faith is the state of being ultimately concerned."
Tillich's quote stirs something inside of me. Rage, hurt, anger, fear, sadness, passion, inspiration, willfulness. Why are so many people up in arms about these issues but not doing anything? Why are we so quick to blindly follow something just because we've been told it's good or bad? Shouldn't more emphasis be put on the why of how we believe? Do we ever stop and think about the foundation of our belief systems? Or do we just go with it because it might be the way we were raised? Here's another passage from Theresa that helps conceptualize a certain belief system being shaken:
About a year or so ago, I was pushing myself to do this research project, an independent study on what it meant to be a first-generation college student (the first in the family to go to college) who identified with a spiritual or religious belief. The project taught me more than things than I will ever be able to sum up, including how to question a system in which I have full faith in.
The system: Seattle University
What I called into question: Are we doing enough to serve these groups of students? How are we assessing this identity? Do we even know what these students might need?
Up until then, I think I idolized Seattle U. Actually, I know I did. It was a good fit for me educationally, and I loved my job. I had a tough time transitioning, but the place changed lives- it was changing mine. The mission alone stands solid and proud: "Seattle University is dedicated to educating the whole person, to professional formation, and to empowering leaders for a just and humane world."
Newsflash, 2013 Eden, a mission is what we strive to be. It's not necessarily what we are. It's a measurement. A tool. By assessing these questions, I was finally onto something! I was further examining how I fit into the system, how others fit into the system, and how we have a moral duty to respond to larger issues that impact our students, even if they're complex and tricky. Suddenly, I wasn't just trusting of SU. Although I still saw it's beauty, I also saw what it could improve upon.It was in grad school that I also discovered Paul Tillich, philosopher and theologian who's teachings affirmed this belief. He once said, "Faith is the state of being ultimately concerned."
Tillich's quote stirs something inside of me. Rage, hurt, anger, fear, sadness, passion, inspiration, willfulness. Why are so many people up in arms about these issues but not doing anything? Why are we so quick to blindly follow something just because we've been told it's good or bad? Shouldn't more emphasis be put on the why of how we believe? Do we ever stop and think about the foundation of our belief systems? Or do we just go with it because it might be the way we were raised? Here's another passage from Theresa that helps conceptualize a certain belief system being shaken:
After one multi-hour workshop on social identities and privilege (privilege for many identities- not just white), I went home and cried. And cried. And I found myself crying inconsolably for weeks after. I wanted to quit my graduate program, change my career, and move home. I needed escape from the pain my heart felt at this bleak awakening. My foundation was violently smashed and the house I had built on top was crumbling. The intersection of my identities made it difficult for me understand my place in the system. I couldn’t break through the guilt and dissonance. My 25 year old mind was unmalleable- or so I thought.
Three years and many classes, workshops, discussion groups, coffee chats, books and articles later, I began to see what went wrong. The problem for me was not that my unexamined privileges were finally challenged, no, I have the capacity for compassion and humility to accept that. What makes me feel even more desperate in my hours of weakness is that for many of my family, neighbors, colleagues, and compatriots, they will never be challenged. In that, is the paradox of privilege.
Honestly, I think this globalized conversation would destroy America in the way it needs to be destroyed in order to rise again from the ashes like the mighty Phoenix. A house, once glorious, if overcome with decay, cannot be painted over and sold as sound. It must be burnt to the ground and re-built using fresh, new lumber and the knowledge of best practices from years and years of experience gained since the original structure was built.
The imagery Theresa uses is clearly about America, but see how she had to work on the self first before understanding that grander scope of the American system? That's how this all works. Concern without faith is raising hell about our country and not doing anything about it. It's being on the defense every time this discussion comes up, and not really sifting through why you were on the defense. I was in a similar state as Theresa. We were in the same workshop. I was confused and timid. I felt illiterate- like I couldn't possibly be prepared for the rigorousness of grad school. And yes, I was defensive. But I learned a lot more about others after sifting through all those feelings. Theresa and other classmates taught me that I cared about things I didn't even knew I cared about. I didn't have a name for them before coming to SU, so I couldn't vocalize my opinions on the topics. Theresa and my classmates also challenged me--wow, did they challenge me. I couldn't keep up, but it was the best race I think I've ever been on. It taught me to show up and pay attention and listen because identities, they are a part of us, but they don't make us.They aren't the sole being of us.
In higher ed, being concerned with faith in the heart is called self-authorship. As a person grows and develops, they don't trust just anyone's opinion. No. Instead, they begin to make judgment calls. In this phase of life, a person is also able to move past a dual perspective. My wish for this country is that we begin to move past a dual perspective. We're not there yet. Currently, it's about Republicans versus Democrats, Black versus White, Right versus Wrong. I know we all have capability to do good, but we're letting our systems win! This conversation is highly political but we have a choice to make it more than that. It can be everyone's issue if we care enough, but it takes a certain amount of action.
If my thoughts don't inspire you, maybe these will...
"Racism destroys because it is backed by power, systems, policy, and action. Oh, and a complacent, incurious populace."- Jesse Williams (actor & activist; Nov 7, 2014)
In higher ed, being concerned with faith in the heart is called self-authorship. As a person grows and develops, they don't trust just anyone's opinion. No. Instead, they begin to make judgment calls. In this phase of life, a person is also able to move past a dual perspective. My wish for this country is that we begin to move past a dual perspective. We're not there yet. Currently, it's about Republicans versus Democrats, Black versus White, Right versus Wrong. I know we all have capability to do good, but we're letting our systems win! This conversation is highly political but we have a choice to make it more than that. It can be everyone's issue if we care enough, but it takes a certain amount of action.
If my thoughts don't inspire you, maybe these will...
"Racism destroys because it is backed by power, systems, policy, and action. Oh, and a complacent, incurious populace."- Jesse Williams (actor & activist; Nov 7, 2014)
What's your course of action going to be?
Are you going to sit tight and keep denying that racism exists as it continues to impact our justice system, police system, and our educational system? Are you going to keep quoting the inspiring Martin Luther King Jr without giving him credit for what he said about riots? Yes, he was usually a peaceful protester himself, but the man had empathy in his heart. He grasped what would move others to engage in rebellion! He said it was the "language of the unheard."
Readers, I'm begging you, be compassionate enough to consider what it would be like to be Black in this country right now. Consider the hate, the bigotry, the fueled racism, the deficits, and most importantly, the denial. Then consider what it would be like to be Undocumented or disabled or gay or a Veteran. These people face microaggressions most every day for a piece of their identity that is part of them, but not the sole being of them. Examine how you fit into the system, how others fit into the system, and then how we all are responsible for responding to the larger issues that impact everyone of us.
Consider all of this and then consider your stance on the issues. If you still don't care, okay then, but please, move through this world with enough faith in your heart to be so concerned that you makesomething happen (for social justice or any other cause that you can get behind).
Are you going to sit tight and keep denying that racism exists as it continues to impact our justice system, police system, and our educational system? Are you going to keep quoting the inspiring Martin Luther King Jr without giving him credit for what he said about riots? Yes, he was usually a peaceful protester himself, but the man had empathy in his heart. He grasped what would move others to engage in rebellion! He said it was the "language of the unheard."
Readers, I'm begging you, be compassionate enough to consider what it would be like to be Black in this country right now. Consider the hate, the bigotry, the fueled racism, the deficits, and most importantly, the denial. Then consider what it would be like to be Undocumented or disabled or gay or a Veteran. These people face microaggressions most every day for a piece of their identity that is part of them, but not the sole being of them. Examine how you fit into the system, how others fit into the system, and then how we all are responsible for responding to the larger issues that impact everyone of us.
Consider all of this and then consider your stance on the issues. If you still don't care, okay then, but please, move through this world with enough faith in your heart to be so concerned that you makesomething happen (for social justice or any other cause that you can get behind).
Hulihia
Part 2 of 3, a social justice blog series
December 27, 2014
I heard this word in 2012 at NASPA's Western Regional Conference. It's Hawaiian, and it's used to describe a spiritual or physical change.
In preparation for the trip, I was overwhelmed. It was made less terrifying with my travel buddy, Catie. We were both so green to the world of student affairs! It would be our first conference. As two introverts at heart, we were trying to prepare ourselves for all the extroversion that would take place. We did fine, of course, but there were "time outs"taken. We'd mosey on down to the beach.
In preparation for the trip, I was overwhelmed. It was made less terrifying with my travel buddy, Catie. We were both so green to the world of student affairs! It would be our first conference. As two introverts at heart, we were trying to prepare ourselves for all the extroversion that would take place. We did fine, of course, but there were "time outs"taken. We'd mosey on down to the beach.
All those jitters were worthy of our notice. Both of us get our energy from retracting and reflecting. It's important that our bodies talk and we listen! But looking back? I wish I would've known how calming Hawai'i's nature could be. I would've fixated less on my internal fears and more on the healing powers of being in a place so divine.
It is why my memories of that place are more vibrant with lushness than anxiety. I fell in love.. Captured by the culture there. The emphasis put on our Earth as this great, big living....thing. The re-shift and focus on my new identity as an educator. I was changed. Internally. And there was this quote from an ed session that captured my feelings.
"Inspiration to change often comes from our world being shifted and completely turned upside down, revealing a new truth and thus, a new beginning."
From a passage of my SDA portfolio, I used this word as a landing page to say thank you. Thank you to the educators and fellow peers who were patient enough. Forgiving.
Without your patience in the learning process, I would've never discovered this new person who is not really new at all. She's been here all along. I just had to meet you all and do some stretching and growing. And as I look hard at myself today, I'm still as eager as ever, but I'm not that culture-shocked, scared girl anymore. I'm aware. Ready. You believed in me, and I was able to trust in you with my inquires and passions for knowledge. I never want to stop exploring the questions of this world with you. The day I do is the day I loose faith in our abilities to come together.
I share all of this for a sole purpose. One purpose. A fact that I find extremely important in explaining the public statements I've made about #BlackLivesMatter and other political tensions. Because the heightened uproar of recent events has made me question my own identity and my contribution. So, here it is.
I have changed. But not changed entirely. I've evolved. I've learned things I can't unlearn. I was open-minded before, but now, I challenge myself to question things. I was meek before, but now I stand firmly behind what I believe in. And I do so not in spite of others! I do so with grace in my heart because I'mtrying to be a better human being. I'm trying to be a better friend. I'm trying to be a better ally.
Try as I might, I know not everyone gets it (or cares). It might clash with what they believe in. It might be too loud. Too much. When I cried on Catie's shoulder about a month ago, I was defeated. Physically ill and upset. I was raised do the thing that I love! And I'm doing it. Someone suggested that my heart is too big for this work. This advocacy...stuff. "I know you're trying to fight the good fight, but maybe your heart can't take that." I pondered it. Maybe I'm not cut out for it, I tried to convince myself.
But something kept yelling at me. It was Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own. That famous line of his when he spits,"There's no crying in baseball!" Sorta, Mr. Hanks.
As I argued in my head with Tom, I realized, there is no feeling sorry for myself in this line of work! If there is pity, I get it out of my system and then fight like hell. For those that that must feel this on the daily, I'm selfish to get caught up in my own sadness that might last a couple of weeks. I only feel this pain and hardship when issues like this can't be ignored anymore.
That's why I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep engaging in the conversation America is having right now. Because for some reason, even after getting the sense that there's no point, I feel it in my bones. My heart. My soul. It's fueled by my faith in the capacity to change and be changed by something bigger than the self.
It is why my memories of that place are more vibrant with lushness than anxiety. I fell in love.. Captured by the culture there. The emphasis put on our Earth as this great, big living....thing. The re-shift and focus on my new identity as an educator. I was changed. Internally. And there was this quote from an ed session that captured my feelings.
"Inspiration to change often comes from our world being shifted and completely turned upside down, revealing a new truth and thus, a new beginning."
From a passage of my SDA portfolio, I used this word as a landing page to say thank you. Thank you to the educators and fellow peers who were patient enough. Forgiving.
Without your patience in the learning process, I would've never discovered this new person who is not really new at all. She's been here all along. I just had to meet you all and do some stretching and growing. And as I look hard at myself today, I'm still as eager as ever, but I'm not that culture-shocked, scared girl anymore. I'm aware. Ready. You believed in me, and I was able to trust in you with my inquires and passions for knowledge. I never want to stop exploring the questions of this world with you. The day I do is the day I loose faith in our abilities to come together.
I share all of this for a sole purpose. One purpose. A fact that I find extremely important in explaining the public statements I've made about #BlackLivesMatter and other political tensions. Because the heightened uproar of recent events has made me question my own identity and my contribution. So, here it is.
I have changed. But not changed entirely. I've evolved. I've learned things I can't unlearn. I was open-minded before, but now, I challenge myself to question things. I was meek before, but now I stand firmly behind what I believe in. And I do so not in spite of others! I do so with grace in my heart because I'mtrying to be a better human being. I'm trying to be a better friend. I'm trying to be a better ally.
Try as I might, I know not everyone gets it (or cares). It might clash with what they believe in. It might be too loud. Too much. When I cried on Catie's shoulder about a month ago, I was defeated. Physically ill and upset. I was raised do the thing that I love! And I'm doing it. Someone suggested that my heart is too big for this work. This advocacy...stuff. "I know you're trying to fight the good fight, but maybe your heart can't take that." I pondered it. Maybe I'm not cut out for it, I tried to convince myself.
But something kept yelling at me. It was Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own. That famous line of his when he spits,"There's no crying in baseball!" Sorta, Mr. Hanks.
As I argued in my head with Tom, I realized, there is no feeling sorry for myself in this line of work! If there is pity, I get it out of my system and then fight like hell. For those that that must feel this on the daily, I'm selfish to get caught up in my own sadness that might last a couple of weeks. I only feel this pain and hardship when issues like this can't be ignored anymore.
That's why I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep engaging in the conversation America is having right now. Because for some reason, even after getting the sense that there's no point, I feel it in my bones. My heart. My soul. It's fueled by my faith in the capacity to change and be changed by something bigger than the self.
The Conversation America is Having Right Now
Part 1 of 3, a social justice blog series
December 12, 2014
3 Points of Preface:
This brings to light a whole slew of issues surrounding white privilege:
No. That's a value or expectation affirmed by your communities of practice. It's not telling of all the other factors and barriers at play, the danger of a single story. Privilege is very broad and personal, rooted in several limiting factors, including: income, mobility, psychosocial state, race, language, religion, age, and culture. When I say limiting, what I mean is, there are factors we don't choose. This is the most common argument or defense for white privilege. "Well I didn't choose to be White." That's right and that's okay.Privilege is not a fault, but it is something we have a choice to be aware of.
As I wrap up my thoughts today, I just want to share that this will be one of many upcoming blogs to tackle this issue. If you think I'm going to go into facts about the single incidents, think again. I will utilize facts, but I will not fixate on them. This is a larger systemic issue, and it deserves that focus. Let me say it again: Larger systemic issue. Deserves focus.
- I wasn't a fan of Jon Stewart's etiquette here: he brought Bill O' Reilly on the show to talk about his book, and then refused to talk about it. Regardless of Bill's views on this bigger issue, I believe Jon should've given Bill the space to at least share about the intended guest appearance.
- However, I also can't respect how Bill O' Reilly blatantly denies that white privilege exists, especially when he uses Asian privilege as a rebuttal (that's not a thing).
- Despite the approach, I can get behind Jon's argument because the truth of the matter is, white privilege exists, whether people deny it, get defensive, or not. Don't mistake it for a movement. It's been there all along, but it's privilege so we don't have to think about it until it's pointed out or we are forced to consider it.
This brings to light a whole slew of issues surrounding white privilege:
- Communities of practice are perspectives of values that impact us from a very young age, i.e. "If you work hard, if you get educated, if you're an honest person, you can make it in America." These are messages we receive from our families and friends, and then the K-12 education either affirms or rejects such messages. Here in US, communities of practice are widely framed and constructed by the White, American majority that is middle-class and Christian.
- Denying that white privilege exists isn't good enough these days. Saying we have a Black president isn't a strong enough argument, either. Nor is, "We abolished slavery." A first step, friends, is general awareness and open-mindedness. As an ally and advocate, half of what I fight for is kind-hearted consideration for the things around us that probably don't impact us on a day-to-day basis. What I want others to consider is how this is a daily impact for others. It may not be happening to you or people you know, but it is happening. The second step is something called multicultural competence,or breaking down and reflecting upon our own personal biases and assumptions that evolve because of the value systems we grew up with.
- You know how President Obama's big solution to this problem is cameras? Well I honestly thought that the cameras might help. Then, after the Garner trial, I realized that there is no justice without a camera or with one. You know what I wish our justice system and our police forces would invest in instead? Multicultural competence training. Emotional intelligence training. Non-verbal language discussions. Language barrier discussions.
- The lack of this is disappointing, so disheartening. I'm looking into practices that might exist.
- You know how President Obama's big solution to this problem is cameras? Well I honestly thought that the cameras might help. Then, after the Garner trial, I realized that there is no justice without a camera or with one. You know what I wish our justice system and our police forces would invest in instead? Multicultural competence training. Emotional intelligence training. Non-verbal language discussions. Language barrier discussions.
- Gentrification (n): the buying and renovation of houses and stores in deteriorated urban neighborhoods by upper- or middle- income families or individuals, thus improving property values but often displacing low-income families and small businesses.
- Here's an example: No gentrification in Seattle?
- I believe that the emphasis on improvement is key here. My question is this: why do we improve an area of land yet still deny that some have it worse off simply because of where they live or where they are pushed to live?
No. That's a value or expectation affirmed by your communities of practice. It's not telling of all the other factors and barriers at play, the danger of a single story. Privilege is very broad and personal, rooted in several limiting factors, including: income, mobility, psychosocial state, race, language, religion, age, and culture. When I say limiting, what I mean is, there are factors we don't choose. This is the most common argument or defense for white privilege. "Well I didn't choose to be White." That's right and that's okay.Privilege is not a fault, but it is something we have a choice to be aware of.
As I wrap up my thoughts today, I just want to share that this will be one of many upcoming blogs to tackle this issue. If you think I'm going to go into facts about the single incidents, think again. I will utilize facts, but I will not fixate on them. This is a larger systemic issue, and it deserves that focus. Let me say it again: Larger systemic issue. Deserves focus.
Keep Up!
September 23, 2014
As a new professional in higher ed, the one thing I have been extremely aware of is how my interests and strengths have adapted. This is a post about being a willing participant in the ever-evolving world that is yelling at us. Keep up!
Just in the last week it's been interesting to read about how Apple released it's new watch. In response,The Chronicle of Higher Education published an article about how this newest form of technology will affect classroom participation and conduct. Will we wait for a trend of cheating to occur or will we be proactive about this matter? I don't think a disciplinary focus is the right way to go. I find that the bigger issue here is how Google searches are so very different than learning for learning's sake. It's a chance for us to talk about consumerism, materialism, and the actual exercise of educating yourself. Additionally, we need to continue to explore the contribution of smart classrooms, distance education, and social media. Striking a balance between both extremes is difficult, but technology requires our attention.
A career as an educator and advocate was a solid choice I felt confident making three years ago, and I have only felt more affirmed as I've committed myself to the hard work it entails. That in itself is a beautiful, challenging thing. Daily, though, I question my endurance. It keeps me on my toes, no doubt, but is my commitment evident? Am I enough of an advocate? Am I staying on top of current events and how those events relate and affect UW Bothell? These are rhetorical questions, but questions that rush through my brain every day.
Just in the last week it's been interesting to read about how Apple released it's new watch. In response,The Chronicle of Higher Education published an article about how this newest form of technology will affect classroom participation and conduct. Will we wait for a trend of cheating to occur or will we be proactive about this matter? I don't think a disciplinary focus is the right way to go. I find that the bigger issue here is how Google searches are so very different than learning for learning's sake. It's a chance for us to talk about consumerism, materialism, and the actual exercise of educating yourself. Additionally, we need to continue to explore the contribution of smart classrooms, distance education, and social media. Striking a balance between both extremes is difficult, but technology requires our attention.
A career as an educator and advocate was a solid choice I felt confident making three years ago, and I have only felt more affirmed as I've committed myself to the hard work it entails. That in itself is a beautiful, challenging thing. Daily, though, I question my endurance. It keeps me on my toes, no doubt, but is my commitment evident? Am I enough of an advocate? Am I staying on top of current events and how those events relate and affect UW Bothell? These are rhetorical questions, but questions that rush through my brain every day.
Now, most argue that the university system is pretty slow-moving, and I'd have to agree (to some extent). For older colleges at least, it takes a long time to change a mentality that has been embedded in the culture for so long. It's because people often equate tradition and spirit with what works for their campus. That mentality isn't wrong. I'll even admit to gravitating towards that excuse. It's a valid one, one about collectively bonding over a sense of pride. We are nostalgic creatures, and so we like to hold on to the good ol' memories, whatever those may be. As much I like both pride and tradition, though, I just find myself more challenged and captured by the future of higher ed.
That is why I believe in the progressiveness of student affairs-- no matter how slow-moving it may seem at times. Fortunately, that's probably because I've worked with teams who are steaming ahead. We look to expand, whether that's through budgetary means or remodeling our advising style or structure model. That's why UW Bothell was a perfect choice for me professionally. The school is only 25 years old, and we are growing...rapidly. The entire Student Affairs division is experiencing the exact opposite of the older college tradition. Instead of a mentality, we must think up and create. It's why I was so excited about my position. In addition to helping with New Student Orientation, I was also brought on to develop a mentoring program for first generation students, veterans, queer students, and undocumented students. The process has been overwhelming, but it's required a lot of reading and research. As a human who has adapted and changed, research has grown on me. It is a comfort thing now, a constant reminder of what I love about the learning process. It's constant work, and it's my individual job to stay informed. No one else can do it for me--that's what keeps me motivated.
Makes sense, really. One my top five strengths is Learner. The other four are (Gallup, 2010):
Achiever
Belief
Connectedness
Input
These results impact how I work and perform on the daily. Like when I do research, I need all the Input I can obtain. Honestly, I could collect data and facts for days! And I don't consider myself a competitive person, but creating something that Achieves a specific purpose and contributes to the mission of our institution? There's this stressful but rewarding pressure that comes with that, and I will push myself to develop a final product that is both progressive and inclusive even if it makes me sweat a little.
I know for A FACT that it's my Belief and Connectedness that keeps everything alive in me, though. Yesterday, as I was reading for pleasure, a whole chapter in Natalie Goldberg's book had me nodding and grinning. I agreed with it so firmly.
The book: Writing Down the Bones- Freeing the Writer Within.
The chapter: The Ordinary and Extraordinary.
The message: being in wonderment of the daily things.
"Details are not individual, material objects...but reflections of everything."
For being a believer in the connectedness, I'm in constant amazement of the buildings, the books, my colleagues, and the students that surround me. But why am I forgetting the firm foundation of higher education? Stay with me, I'm getting philosophical! While I did bring up two things in this post and treated them as separate entities, the traditional ways and new adaptions do complement each other because one would not be without the other. We have to give credit where credit is due, and even though we are in constant conversation about the future of our colleges, perhaps we are not looking back as often as we should. New things are great. I even stated my preference about being a part of the progressive front. Especially as a young professional, I am required to think about what I bring to the table that is innovative, but simply put, the traditional pieces of higher education will keep us rooted as we progress. If college values are firmly rooted in stretching minds and challenging beliefs alongside each other, than we should claim that for all that it's worth. Forget the convenience of the Google search; that's learning for learning's sake.
That is why I believe in the progressiveness of student affairs-- no matter how slow-moving it may seem at times. Fortunately, that's probably because I've worked with teams who are steaming ahead. We look to expand, whether that's through budgetary means or remodeling our advising style or structure model. That's why UW Bothell was a perfect choice for me professionally. The school is only 25 years old, and we are growing...rapidly. The entire Student Affairs division is experiencing the exact opposite of the older college tradition. Instead of a mentality, we must think up and create. It's why I was so excited about my position. In addition to helping with New Student Orientation, I was also brought on to develop a mentoring program for first generation students, veterans, queer students, and undocumented students. The process has been overwhelming, but it's required a lot of reading and research. As a human who has adapted and changed, research has grown on me. It is a comfort thing now, a constant reminder of what I love about the learning process. It's constant work, and it's my individual job to stay informed. No one else can do it for me--that's what keeps me motivated.
Makes sense, really. One my top five strengths is Learner. The other four are (Gallup, 2010):
Achiever
Belief
Connectedness
Input
These results impact how I work and perform on the daily. Like when I do research, I need all the Input I can obtain. Honestly, I could collect data and facts for days! And I don't consider myself a competitive person, but creating something that Achieves a specific purpose and contributes to the mission of our institution? There's this stressful but rewarding pressure that comes with that, and I will push myself to develop a final product that is both progressive and inclusive even if it makes me sweat a little.
I know for A FACT that it's my Belief and Connectedness that keeps everything alive in me, though. Yesterday, as I was reading for pleasure, a whole chapter in Natalie Goldberg's book had me nodding and grinning. I agreed with it so firmly.
The book: Writing Down the Bones- Freeing the Writer Within.
The chapter: The Ordinary and Extraordinary.
The message: being in wonderment of the daily things.
"Details are not individual, material objects...but reflections of everything."
For being a believer in the connectedness, I'm in constant amazement of the buildings, the books, my colleagues, and the students that surround me. But why am I forgetting the firm foundation of higher education? Stay with me, I'm getting philosophical! While I did bring up two things in this post and treated them as separate entities, the traditional ways and new adaptions do complement each other because one would not be without the other. We have to give credit where credit is due, and even though we are in constant conversation about the future of our colleges, perhaps we are not looking back as often as we should. New things are great. I even stated my preference about being a part of the progressive front. Especially as a young professional, I am required to think about what I bring to the table that is innovative, but simply put, the traditional pieces of higher education will keep us rooted as we progress. If college values are firmly rooted in stretching minds and challenging beliefs alongside each other, than we should claim that for all that it's worth. Forget the convenience of the Google search; that's learning for learning's sake.
What is More? Zimmerman & Our Complex System
July 14, 2013
Since I woke up this morning, I've been going back and forth about whether I should post about any of this. Then, I decided, this has everything to do with what I have been learning this past year. I've grown a lot, but there's still so much more growing to do, and because of that, I think I need to be a little bit more honest with the people who read this blog. I think I also need to be more honest with myself. There's a lot is stirring in this head and heart of mine, and I'm about to be get vulnerable and turn this into some reflective thoughts that not everyone is going to agree with. This is significant to me and an important topic to blog about because just a year ago, I don't think I could have posted something like this. This is challenge by choice and pushing that "Publish" button is going to be a little uncomfortable. I am eager to learn about what "more" means to others.
With the trial decision last night, an explosion of concerned and harmful conversation happened on social media. Now, I'm not married to the facts of the trial, and I'm certainly not saying I know more than anyone else. These are my thoughts in reaction to a sad evening. Period. Also, I suddenly didn't become an expert on the law or the justice system. Simply put, in the last 24 hours, I made a lot of connections between my place in this world as a lifelong learner and the realities of this world. So why do I think the issue of race has something to do with the Zimmerman trial? (I am speaking for myself here, not anyone else who has taken a side).
I acknowledge we live in a complex "system" called culture, and yes, I do think racism is still alive and well. Since it is a system it will probably always be there. We can't change that. We can change how we react and deal with the system. It is rooted in hate and goes further back than all of us but it still effects everyone of us. Likewise, no one will ever know what really happened that evening with Zimmerman and Trayvon, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened had Trayvon been a different race. Plus, at the deepest, most human piece of this issue, a boy died way too young. Can we all agree to that? Someone's son was murdered. That in itself is an injustice.
Some think we're paying too much attention to this one trial when other injustices happen everyday, and I think their feelings are valid. But I also believe this isn't about one injustice. It's brought to the surface many oppressed feelings that are also valid. For me, living in a system of social injustice is just as important as what part I play in the injustices that happen around me every day. Everyone's part does. We live in this beautiful country called America where many people of color live together so why am I and we as a nation not having more real, honest conversations about assumptions, biases, privileges, and oppressions? It all matters.
For me, it's not about having friends of color. It's not about international travel and making sure my passport is more full than yours. It's also not about experimenting with cultural foods. Even when I discuss these topics, I can never arrive to a perfected social justice "degree." So what's the point?
The point is to be more aware and keep challenging myself to check my own assumptions, biases, and knowledge. For example, when I discovered Zimmerman's was a Hispanic American, what thoughts surfaced in my mind about his race and nationality? What does a full jury of women have to do with this? And, was there some socioeconomic issues going on here, too? Finally, how does this all intersect with my own identities as a white, American female?
Some are upset that everyone has an opinion about last night and no one is talking about the real issue or doing anything about it. I totally respect that and would agree that we are aren't doing enough. However, I do challenge that I think a lot of people are having discussions about race and systems. In fact, one of my favorite things about my Master's program are table talks. We actually choose to get together to discuss articles and issues about diversity over dinner. Yes, some might call it nerdy, but I think they are wonderful and they've challenged me in ways I've never explored before. It's made me a strong believer in recognizing that diversity and oppression is not just about black and white. It's not just about race. It's about race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, nationality, language, ableism, and religion. Again though, I can never arrive at a spot of completion, and I'm just thankful I have the option and privilege to have these conversations in the first place. These conversations don't make me better than anyone else, it's just what I am doing to try and make sense of our complex "system" called culture. But the question still remains: am I doing enough? I do think this trial has made me realize I want and need to do more. Do you want to do more? What is more? Are you ignited enough to not just post something on social media but do something about the injustices going on around us all?
Feel free to comment below about your thoughts and feelings on moving forward. How can we? What can we do as individuals? What do we have to do together?
Want to know more about racial biases? Check this article out:
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/news/press-statement-from-the-southern-poverty-law-center-in-response-to-verdict-in-sta#.UeIrXAeoICU.facebook
With the trial decision last night, an explosion of concerned and harmful conversation happened on social media. Now, I'm not married to the facts of the trial, and I'm certainly not saying I know more than anyone else. These are my thoughts in reaction to a sad evening. Period. Also, I suddenly didn't become an expert on the law or the justice system. Simply put, in the last 24 hours, I made a lot of connections between my place in this world as a lifelong learner and the realities of this world. So why do I think the issue of race has something to do with the Zimmerman trial? (I am speaking for myself here, not anyone else who has taken a side).
I acknowledge we live in a complex "system" called culture, and yes, I do think racism is still alive and well. Since it is a system it will probably always be there. We can't change that. We can change how we react and deal with the system. It is rooted in hate and goes further back than all of us but it still effects everyone of us. Likewise, no one will ever know what really happened that evening with Zimmerman and Trayvon, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened had Trayvon been a different race. Plus, at the deepest, most human piece of this issue, a boy died way too young. Can we all agree to that? Someone's son was murdered. That in itself is an injustice.
Some think we're paying too much attention to this one trial when other injustices happen everyday, and I think their feelings are valid. But I also believe this isn't about one injustice. It's brought to the surface many oppressed feelings that are also valid. For me, living in a system of social injustice is just as important as what part I play in the injustices that happen around me every day. Everyone's part does. We live in this beautiful country called America where many people of color live together so why am I and we as a nation not having more real, honest conversations about assumptions, biases, privileges, and oppressions? It all matters.
For me, it's not about having friends of color. It's not about international travel and making sure my passport is more full than yours. It's also not about experimenting with cultural foods. Even when I discuss these topics, I can never arrive to a perfected social justice "degree." So what's the point?
The point is to be more aware and keep challenging myself to check my own assumptions, biases, and knowledge. For example, when I discovered Zimmerman's was a Hispanic American, what thoughts surfaced in my mind about his race and nationality? What does a full jury of women have to do with this? And, was there some socioeconomic issues going on here, too? Finally, how does this all intersect with my own identities as a white, American female?
Some are upset that everyone has an opinion about last night and no one is talking about the real issue or doing anything about it. I totally respect that and would agree that we are aren't doing enough. However, I do challenge that I think a lot of people are having discussions about race and systems. In fact, one of my favorite things about my Master's program are table talks. We actually choose to get together to discuss articles and issues about diversity over dinner. Yes, some might call it nerdy, but I think they are wonderful and they've challenged me in ways I've never explored before. It's made me a strong believer in recognizing that diversity and oppression is not just about black and white. It's not just about race. It's about race, class, gender, sexual orientation, age, nationality, language, ableism, and religion. Again though, I can never arrive at a spot of completion, and I'm just thankful I have the option and privilege to have these conversations in the first place. These conversations don't make me better than anyone else, it's just what I am doing to try and make sense of our complex "system" called culture. But the question still remains: am I doing enough? I do think this trial has made me realize I want and need to do more. Do you want to do more? What is more? Are you ignited enough to not just post something on social media but do something about the injustices going on around us all?
Feel free to comment below about your thoughts and feelings on moving forward. How can we? What can we do as individuals? What do we have to do together?
Want to know more about racial biases? Check this article out:
http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/news/press-statement-from-the-southern-poverty-law-center-in-response-to-verdict-in-sta#.UeIrXAeoICU.facebook
One-Hundred: Because I Care, I Cause
March 16, 2013
I started Life Scribbler after falling in love with the movie, Julie & Julia. Cheesy, I know, but I was curious to see what my role as a writer could be in the blogging world. I had all these doubts back then, too. Who will even care to read my ideas? I thought. Will I have followers? I was hesitant until something happened.
In August 2010, I was facing my toughest course load and a heavy commitment to my on-campus job and 3 student organizations. I was also in a personal state of depression and anxiety and a few other evils I had refused to deal with previously. I didn't blog for a whole month and a half- my longest time away from the blog. Then in October, when I tried to make sense of it all, Life Scribbler served as something I held myself accountable for. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, and there was suddenly power in scribbling about life and all the scary and unexpected tests it had thrown me.
100 posts later, I celebrate being dedicated to this online forum for almost 3 years. I've had over 4,000 views, and Life Scribbler's been read internationally. It's my pride and joy, and I am so proud of it- something I can call my own. I also celebrate the growth of my writing and taking a risk on controversial topics. It's been rewarding to see that those raw and risky entries have been some of my highest viewed posts.
Since this particular post is so monumental, I thought for a long time about what I could write about. I've decided to use this platform for something greater than myself and my usual praises to Higher Ed. In all seriousness, I can't imagine doing anything other than being a Student Affairs professional, but I'm often sad that being an actor or singer didn't work out for me only because I'm becoming more and more passionate about philanthropy. I mean, besides the fact that I would've been amazing at singing the Star Bangled Banner or performing a part in Grey's Anatomy (humor me PLEASE), that's just one thing a few celebrities do right in my opinion. Just look at Alyssa Milano, Sophia Bush, and Brittany Snow, for example--what philanthrophic rockstars. Only difference between those ladies and me is that my bank account currently doesn't support my overflowing want to help out! Thankfully, I have found ways to give very little to the causes I do whole-heartedly support and use platforms like this blog and social media to share why I care so much in the first place.
Here are 3 philathropic jems that have been relevant to my life in the last few months:
100 posts later, I celebrate being dedicated to this online forum for almost 3 years. I've had over 4,000 views, and Life Scribbler's been read internationally. It's my pride and joy, and I am so proud of it- something I can call my own. I also celebrate the growth of my writing and taking a risk on controversial topics. It's been rewarding to see that those raw and risky entries have been some of my highest viewed posts.
Since this particular post is so monumental, I thought for a long time about what I could write about. I've decided to use this platform for something greater than myself and my usual praises to Higher Ed. In all seriousness, I can't imagine doing anything other than being a Student Affairs professional, but I'm often sad that being an actor or singer didn't work out for me only because I'm becoming more and more passionate about philanthropy. I mean, besides the fact that I would've been amazing at singing the Star Bangled Banner or performing a part in Grey's Anatomy (humor me PLEASE), that's just one thing a few celebrities do right in my opinion. Just look at Alyssa Milano, Sophia Bush, and Brittany Snow, for example--what philanthrophic rockstars. Only difference between those ladies and me is that my bank account currently doesn't support my overflowing want to help out! Thankfully, I have found ways to give very little to the causes I do whole-heartedly support and use platforms like this blog and social media to share why I care so much in the first place.
Here are 3 philathropic jems that have been relevant to my life in the last few months:
Like I mentioned earlier, I've struggled with depression and anxiety. Am I ever done fighting them? Of course not, but that's why I support Love is Louder-- a campaign dedicated to raising awareness about any issue that brings people down whether it be human perpetuated or system perpetuated. I gave a $50 donation to the Foundation back in January and also created this picture to share my passion for this effort. I decided to give more than I could really afford to this cause because they are currently trying to create some campus organizations so LIL can have a more invested role in the lives of college students who deal with these issues daily.
I am strong believer and advocate of not using the R-word so I spread the word to end the word. That and the word "gay" get dropped daily. I'll admit, I slip every now and then. It's not an easy task when our society and generation find it perfectly okay to use them no matter how loaded and inconsiderate they might be. That's not an excuse, though. If we catch ourselves saying "gay" or "retarded" in a derogatory way and can have the courage to stop them before they flow out of our mouths, we can work towards a better version of ourselves and make a difference for the people around us who could be affected by those small but mighty words.
Just last month, my undergrad institution, Emporia State, celebrated it's 150th birthday; it was a huge deal. The school went all out by having a ball and lots of alumni events. They even announced a new and clever campaign they've created to raise monetary donations and funds for the school. ESU is calling itHornet Nation and they are asking everyone to donate a simple and small amount of just $18.63 because...well we were founded in 1863. I was so intrigued by this effort because as a grad student who WANTS to donate to my alma mater but doesn't really have the money to, this is my solution.
Educational Exploration
November 15, 2012
To continue my blog series about what I'm thankful for, today I post about the tears I wept while away in Hawai'i for a conference called NASPA, or National Association for Student Personnel Administrators. I'm sure you're asking yourself, why would I do such a thing in such a beautiful place? Well, what threw me was this session I attended with this panel of women--important and historical women in the field. There were 5 of them who each shared their incredible stories in varied ways, and the one that touched my heart the most was from Ann Marie Klotz. She shared "We Are the Women that Came Before Us."
WOAH. Pause for a second. Close yours eyes and just think about the women/men/people that have shaped you. Can you hear their voices? That's how she presented this. She spoke about her great-grandmother, her grandmother, and her mother, and she stood before us that day as a product of someone who wasn't supposed to make it this far in life, but you know what? She beat the odds and education was an unintended upward mobility that brought her to the role she plays today in Student Affairs--she's working and going for her Doctorate degree.
#2 Education
Education is just powerful that way. It's been a powerful thing for me, as it will and has been for many others. My time away at this conference was refreshing and inspiring. It let me forget all the stress of projects and homework, and reminded me of what brought me here in the first place. Most opportunities in my life, a trip to Hawai'i included, all circle back to my involvement and presence in education. A majority of the states, cities, and countries I have ventured to have been because of a school function like a retreat, conference, or study abroad. I am privileged not just because I have invested the time and the energy into higher education, but because others have believed I could do it.
But, for me, it's not about the cool trips I've taken. It's about the experiences I've brought back with me and applied to what I do daily. Education for me has been an earth-shattering, eye-opening, beautiful exploration. I have strived to be the best in a world where tests and speeches make me sick to my stomach. Anxiety has challenged me and so has the perfectionist within. Barriers they were, and I'm sad to say I've lost some battles because of those two.
So, no, school doesn't come easy to me. The grade point average I earned and the honors I have received were the marks of true dedication and perseverance. I have always been eager to learn and pursue what's challenging, and I have figured out what works for me and what doesn't. And that's best displayed as I think of myself as a 12 year old asking questions about college. My parents didn't push me one way or another. They said it was up to me, and I took it upon myself to fall in love with the idea of college. It was only when I got to ESU that I discovered independence and the flood of change. It rocked my world in both good and hard ways. It kicked my butt, but I made it, as a first-generation college student, no less--the first in my immediate family to earn a degree.
And now, little ol' me is working on a Master's? How is this possible? What brought me here? It's that fire, I tell you. It's the little engine that fuels many of us that keep going and never stop wanting to open books and listen to others because, let's be honest here, we never know it ALL.
So, I've made a decision right here, right now: I'm going to keep crying at things that may shake me up a little inside. Actually, I never want to stop because that exploration I've experienced over and over again is beautiful and heartfelt and it keeps me curious, it keeps me guessing, and it always makes me want MORE.
WOAH. Pause for a second. Close yours eyes and just think about the women/men/people that have shaped you. Can you hear their voices? That's how she presented this. She spoke about her great-grandmother, her grandmother, and her mother, and she stood before us that day as a product of someone who wasn't supposed to make it this far in life, but you know what? She beat the odds and education was an unintended upward mobility that brought her to the role she plays today in Student Affairs--she's working and going for her Doctorate degree.
#2 Education
Education is just powerful that way. It's been a powerful thing for me, as it will and has been for many others. My time away at this conference was refreshing and inspiring. It let me forget all the stress of projects and homework, and reminded me of what brought me here in the first place. Most opportunities in my life, a trip to Hawai'i included, all circle back to my involvement and presence in education. A majority of the states, cities, and countries I have ventured to have been because of a school function like a retreat, conference, or study abroad. I am privileged not just because I have invested the time and the energy into higher education, but because others have believed I could do it.
But, for me, it's not about the cool trips I've taken. It's about the experiences I've brought back with me and applied to what I do daily. Education for me has been an earth-shattering, eye-opening, beautiful exploration. I have strived to be the best in a world where tests and speeches make me sick to my stomach. Anxiety has challenged me and so has the perfectionist within. Barriers they were, and I'm sad to say I've lost some battles because of those two.
So, no, school doesn't come easy to me. The grade point average I earned and the honors I have received were the marks of true dedication and perseverance. I have always been eager to learn and pursue what's challenging, and I have figured out what works for me and what doesn't. And that's best displayed as I think of myself as a 12 year old asking questions about college. My parents didn't push me one way or another. They said it was up to me, and I took it upon myself to fall in love with the idea of college. It was only when I got to ESU that I discovered independence and the flood of change. It rocked my world in both good and hard ways. It kicked my butt, but I made it, as a first-generation college student, no less--the first in my immediate family to earn a degree.
And now, little ol' me is working on a Master's? How is this possible? What brought me here? It's that fire, I tell you. It's the little engine that fuels many of us that keep going and never stop wanting to open books and listen to others because, let's be honest here, we never know it ALL.
So, I've made a decision right here, right now: I'm going to keep crying at things that may shake me up a little inside. Actually, I never want to stop because that exploration I've experienced over and over again is beautiful and heartfelt and it keeps me curious, it keeps me guessing, and it always makes me want MORE.
Ignorant Influence: Tosh.Who?
July 11, 2012
To preface this post, I don't normally use this blog as a form of bold speech. Even as a writer I've always believed my opinion about a touchy or hot subject should be kept to myself unless asked of me. Well, last night was my wake up call. I have a voice, and I'm using it. This is why.
I was scrolling down Twitter and found an upsetting story about Daniel Tosh, the comedian. In case you haven't read or even heard about it, this blogger has published the true story of a friend who attended a show where Dane Cook and Tosh were performing. This friend goes into great detail about how Cook's show was good and Tosh's show was okay until he did a bit about how rape jokes can be funny. I'm reading this and getting infuriated, and sure enough this individual had the same feeling build up inside of her. She even had the courage to yell from the crowd, "Actually, rape jokes are never funny." Tosh handled the remark like this:
After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” It was humiliating, of course, especially as the audience guffawed in response to Tosh, their eyes following us as we made our way out of there.
I have two major problems with this whole situation. Number one is ignorance. I'll be the first to admit that I've snickered at a racist or generalized joke made by a comedian especially if that specific comedian is part of the group being generalized. However, I feel awful inside afterwards, and wonder why I had to laugh at that. See, I'm not saying I'm perfect in this world of ignorance. It's hard not to give in to it, but I've also recgonized that it's wrong so I've tried to stop this tendency. In the same manner, I've stopped calling people and things "gay," "retarded," or "ghetto." Actual people I know and love are gay and mentally disabled and there's nothing damaging or negative about them. I've also seen a real Jewish ghetto in a run-down part of Europe, and I know for a fact most people abuse that word, not even knowing what a real ghetto looks like.
My second problem is how many public figures abuse the power of influence when it has the ability to change minds and beliefs. In fact, I saw this unravel last night. Tosh is a huge superstar in the comedy realm, but this bit about rape is disrespectful to a group of people that are victims. Numbers of women unwilling get raped. Tosh took a very serious subject way too far, and I'm afraid I've lost basically every bit of respect for him. Many followers of his were actually defending him on Twitter, saying that jokes shouldn't be taken so seriously. I've got an issue with those people too because I love comedy. It's my favorite genre, but I fully stand behind the difference between lightly joking and laughing about something that affects a group of people who have already had their fair share of abuse. His defense was that awful things happen in this world but you can still make jokes about them. Really, Tosh? Who is he to belittle a rape victim's experience? He bascially just encouraged his fans to keep the jokes going. What also gets me is how he apologized over Twitter. If he had the nerve to not only joke about rape but then harrass the same girl who called him out on it, he ought to have the dignity to do a lot better than a tweet.
Freedom of speech is a privilage that I do believe in strongly because of my English background, but that does not mean I have to support such ignorant influence. I do agree that people can't be so easily offended by comedy because it is just that, comedy, but this Tosh stunt was a lot more than offensive. The girl who this happened to wasn't even aware of Tosh's fame until after the show which means she didn't go into it with any perceptions. I know I wasn't the biggest fan of him before this, but now I will never contribute to how he makes his money. I'm also done being silent about hot topics and things I believe to be wrong.
To get the full blog post that's spreading quickly through the cyper world, click the link below:
http://breakfastcookie.tumblr.com/post/26879625651/so-a-girl-walks-into-a-comedy-club
I was scrolling down Twitter and found an upsetting story about Daniel Tosh, the comedian. In case you haven't read or even heard about it, this blogger has published the true story of a friend who attended a show where Dane Cook and Tosh were performing. This friend goes into great detail about how Cook's show was good and Tosh's show was okay until he did a bit about how rape jokes can be funny. I'm reading this and getting infuriated, and sure enough this individual had the same feeling build up inside of her. She even had the courage to yell from the crowd, "Actually, rape jokes are never funny." Tosh handled the remark like this:
After I called out to him, Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, “Wouldn’t it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her…” It was humiliating, of course, especially as the audience guffawed in response to Tosh, their eyes following us as we made our way out of there.
I have two major problems with this whole situation. Number one is ignorance. I'll be the first to admit that I've snickered at a racist or generalized joke made by a comedian especially if that specific comedian is part of the group being generalized. However, I feel awful inside afterwards, and wonder why I had to laugh at that. See, I'm not saying I'm perfect in this world of ignorance. It's hard not to give in to it, but I've also recgonized that it's wrong so I've tried to stop this tendency. In the same manner, I've stopped calling people and things "gay," "retarded," or "ghetto." Actual people I know and love are gay and mentally disabled and there's nothing damaging or negative about them. I've also seen a real Jewish ghetto in a run-down part of Europe, and I know for a fact most people abuse that word, not even knowing what a real ghetto looks like.
My second problem is how many public figures abuse the power of influence when it has the ability to change minds and beliefs. In fact, I saw this unravel last night. Tosh is a huge superstar in the comedy realm, but this bit about rape is disrespectful to a group of people that are victims. Numbers of women unwilling get raped. Tosh took a very serious subject way too far, and I'm afraid I've lost basically every bit of respect for him. Many followers of his were actually defending him on Twitter, saying that jokes shouldn't be taken so seriously. I've got an issue with those people too because I love comedy. It's my favorite genre, but I fully stand behind the difference between lightly joking and laughing about something that affects a group of people who have already had their fair share of abuse. His defense was that awful things happen in this world but you can still make jokes about them. Really, Tosh? Who is he to belittle a rape victim's experience? He bascially just encouraged his fans to keep the jokes going. What also gets me is how he apologized over Twitter. If he had the nerve to not only joke about rape but then harrass the same girl who called him out on it, he ought to have the dignity to do a lot better than a tweet.
Freedom of speech is a privilage that I do believe in strongly because of my English background, but that does not mean I have to support such ignorant influence. I do agree that people can't be so easily offended by comedy because it is just that, comedy, but this Tosh stunt was a lot more than offensive. The girl who this happened to wasn't even aware of Tosh's fame until after the show which means she didn't go into it with any perceptions. I know I wasn't the biggest fan of him before this, but now I will never contribute to how he makes his money. I'm also done being silent about hot topics and things I believe to be wrong.
To get the full blog post that's spreading quickly through the cyper world, click the link below:
http://breakfastcookie.tumblr.com/post/26879625651/so-a-girl-walks-into-a-comedy-club
Faith & Fit
June 12, 2012
Even after I announced my graduate school choice back in April, I found myself thinking that something was going to fall through- this wasn't going to happen. 2 months later, I'm finally starting to realize Seattle U is a reality, not just an idea. Frustratingly enough, it took me so long to have faith in all of this when faith is what attracted me to the institution in the first place.
I'm sure God's own plan alluded to this choice far before I even knew it was the right one for me. Seattle U's packet of information for their Student Affairs program was actually one of the very first ones I snagged up back in October of my sophomore year at ESU. It had been sitting in my room for 2 years until last summer when I truly picked it up and examined it. Last summer I also went off to LeaderShape where we were divided into groups and my group's leader was an Alumnas from Seattle U. I know not everyone is a believer in God's plan, but I can't not be when hints like this happen in casual situations. Visiting Seattle U only made it easier to see how unique of a Student Affairs program it was. I never saw myself going to a private Catholic school but faith is more important to me than religion, and it was evident to me that the school and it's program valued relationships of all kinds- human and spiritual.
The mission: Dedicated to educating the whole person, to professional formation, and to empowering leaders for a just and humane world.
The values: Care (putting the good of students first), academic excellence (excellence in learning with great teachers who are active scholars), diversity (celebrating educational excellence achieved through diversity), faith (treasuring Jesuit ethos and the enrichment from many faiths), justice (fostering a concern for justice and the competence to promote it), and leadership (seeking to develop responsible leaders committed to the common good).
The fit: I didn't want to go through 2 more years of school just to advance professionally. By the time I'm done with my Master's of Education in Student Development Administration, I will be a better me- professionally and personally. I don't have 100% approval about this decision from people that matter the most, but I hope those that are skeptical see how faithfully I go out in the world and do better because of what I've learned through studies AND practice at Seattle University.
I'm sure God's own plan alluded to this choice far before I even knew it was the right one for me. Seattle U's packet of information for their Student Affairs program was actually one of the very first ones I snagged up back in October of my sophomore year at ESU. It had been sitting in my room for 2 years until last summer when I truly picked it up and examined it. Last summer I also went off to LeaderShape where we were divided into groups and my group's leader was an Alumnas from Seattle U. I know not everyone is a believer in God's plan, but I can't not be when hints like this happen in casual situations. Visiting Seattle U only made it easier to see how unique of a Student Affairs program it was. I never saw myself going to a private Catholic school but faith is more important to me than religion, and it was evident to me that the school and it's program valued relationships of all kinds- human and spiritual.
The mission: Dedicated to educating the whole person, to professional formation, and to empowering leaders for a just and humane world.
The values: Care (putting the good of students first), academic excellence (excellence in learning with great teachers who are active scholars), diversity (celebrating educational excellence achieved through diversity), faith (treasuring Jesuit ethos and the enrichment from many faiths), justice (fostering a concern for justice and the competence to promote it), and leadership (seeking to develop responsible leaders committed to the common good).
The fit: I didn't want to go through 2 more years of school just to advance professionally. By the time I'm done with my Master's of Education in Student Development Administration, I will be a better me- professionally and personally. I don't have 100% approval about this decision from people that matter the most, but I hope those that are skeptical see how faithfully I go out in the world and do better because of what I've learned through studies AND practice at Seattle University.
Right There This Whole Time!
November 3, 2010
For as long as I can remember I've loved writing and reading more than anything else. And until Friday, reading had been the main focus of my undergraduate degree, and writing was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I've been having some difficulty deciding what comes next though.
At Emporia, I'm one of the few English majors that's not going into teaching, and I've always wanted to teach others, just not in the way a school teacher does. Specifically this semester has been challenging because along with my Literature classes, I began classes in my Journalism field as well, and I have gradually saw myself struggle more and more with how being a journalist is going to work for me. It's tough, but it's also not my style either.
There's something else in my life that makes more sense as a career path, though, and I had been considering this option for about a year now, but Friday it was if there was no argument. Ironically, It's been right under my nose for about six years now, and it has to do with just simply being involved. Since I was 14, I have been interested in taking up leadership positions. I love seeing things happen, but I enjoy them even more when I can be PART of what's happening. I have been a Secretary, Vice-Chair, President, Editor 'n Chief, and Captain on a board, an organization, a squad, a council, and a newspaper/ yearbook staff. I'm compatible just about anywhere because I realize leadership is about learning, growing, and sharing that growth with others. Since I realize that AND I want to teach people in someway, I am officially dead-set on pursuing a Masters degree in Higher Education. It's going to be a fun profession, there are numerous options, and it's something I'm not just passionate about, but lots of things have prepared me for it so it would be silly not to go for it.
As of now, I'm looking into doing an internship with different professions on ESU's campus that I haven't gotten my feet wet with. I've already counted it up though, and I have experience in 3 major fields. I will research on colleges during Thanksgiving and Christmas, I need to start studying for the GRE, and I see myself getting very excited for my senior year and the next chapter of my life because I have never been so sure of anything in my life!
At Emporia, I'm one of the few English majors that's not going into teaching, and I've always wanted to teach others, just not in the way a school teacher does. Specifically this semester has been challenging because along with my Literature classes, I began classes in my Journalism field as well, and I have gradually saw myself struggle more and more with how being a journalist is going to work for me. It's tough, but it's also not my style either.
There's something else in my life that makes more sense as a career path, though, and I had been considering this option for about a year now, but Friday it was if there was no argument. Ironically, It's been right under my nose for about six years now, and it has to do with just simply being involved. Since I was 14, I have been interested in taking up leadership positions. I love seeing things happen, but I enjoy them even more when I can be PART of what's happening. I have been a Secretary, Vice-Chair, President, Editor 'n Chief, and Captain on a board, an organization, a squad, a council, and a newspaper/ yearbook staff. I'm compatible just about anywhere because I realize leadership is about learning, growing, and sharing that growth with others. Since I realize that AND I want to teach people in someway, I am officially dead-set on pursuing a Masters degree in Higher Education. It's going to be a fun profession, there are numerous options, and it's something I'm not just passionate about, but lots of things have prepared me for it so it would be silly not to go for it.
As of now, I'm looking into doing an internship with different professions on ESU's campus that I haven't gotten my feet wet with. I've already counted it up though, and I have experience in 3 major fields. I will research on colleges during Thanksgiving and Christmas, I need to start studying for the GRE, and I see myself getting very excited for my senior year and the next chapter of my life because I have never been so sure of anything in my life!
My "Something Important" In Life
May 26, 2010
To all you writers out there, have you ever looked back at something you wrote years ago and felt the exact same feeling you felt the moment you were writing those specific words?
This feeling I'm talking about comes to me often. It's like a leap back in time--a sudden splash of cold water. It's so raw and emotional and sums up everything amazing about what we do as writers. It's essentially why we use writing as a tool to scribble down our deepest, most personal thoughts in hopes to wrap our heads around the trivial questions of this crazy life.
Writing is calming, a release if you will, and it's my number one passion. Something has happened to that fire of a passion though. Slowly but surely it has burnt out due to other time commitments, confusion about who I am, work and ironically, school. As summer begins, I can't help but to analyze why it's been put on the back-burner. I still love it with all my heart, and while I'm unsure about where it fits at in the equation of my career, that shouldn't mean I need to give it up completely. To be firm with myself, I must NEVER give it up completely.
I write because it comes naturally to me.
I write in hopes of not only helping myself but others, too.
That's how a passion usually begins in the first place. Someone instills in us that this something in life is important. Once we get the hang of it and realize we may be good at it, a passerby can almost see the hope in that passionate one's eyes. That "someone" for me was a cluster of people.
An old best friend, my mother, and a high school teacher.
Vividly I can pinpoint the moment when I decided English would be a path worth pursuing. So easily I could translate my crazy, mixed up thoughts of the dramatic adolescent years to paper. I would re-read what I wrote and not feel so crazed. It wasn't until that teacher said something about my strong voice and knack for it that I even considered showing my words to others.
Now, if I've learned one thing so far, it's that whether we like it or not, we have choices to make, both large and minute. Either way, we can't be indecisive. We have to jump, take on the challenge, or seize the day...whatever motto you firmly stick by.
So today, on this warm May day in Kansas, I choose to write because life is too short, and I know for sure that God granted me this one gift.
I may not be the next Shakespeare with his drama, J.K. Rowling with her imaginative plot, or e.e. cummings with his own rules, but my writing is going to get me through today because it's me to the core. My passion is just that because each word comes from my passionate heart that's crazy about life. I may not like it or understand it every day, but there's enough to be happy about and certainly enough to process through words.
This feeling I'm talking about comes to me often. It's like a leap back in time--a sudden splash of cold water. It's so raw and emotional and sums up everything amazing about what we do as writers. It's essentially why we use writing as a tool to scribble down our deepest, most personal thoughts in hopes to wrap our heads around the trivial questions of this crazy life.
Writing is calming, a release if you will, and it's my number one passion. Something has happened to that fire of a passion though. Slowly but surely it has burnt out due to other time commitments, confusion about who I am, work and ironically, school. As summer begins, I can't help but to analyze why it's been put on the back-burner. I still love it with all my heart, and while I'm unsure about where it fits at in the equation of my career, that shouldn't mean I need to give it up completely. To be firm with myself, I must NEVER give it up completely.
I write because it comes naturally to me.
I write in hopes of not only helping myself but others, too.
That's how a passion usually begins in the first place. Someone instills in us that this something in life is important. Once we get the hang of it and realize we may be good at it, a passerby can almost see the hope in that passionate one's eyes. That "someone" for me was a cluster of people.
An old best friend, my mother, and a high school teacher.
Vividly I can pinpoint the moment when I decided English would be a path worth pursuing. So easily I could translate my crazy, mixed up thoughts of the dramatic adolescent years to paper. I would re-read what I wrote and not feel so crazed. It wasn't until that teacher said something about my strong voice and knack for it that I even considered showing my words to others.
Now, if I've learned one thing so far, it's that whether we like it or not, we have choices to make, both large and minute. Either way, we can't be indecisive. We have to jump, take on the challenge, or seize the day...whatever motto you firmly stick by.
So today, on this warm May day in Kansas, I choose to write because life is too short, and I know for sure that God granted me this one gift.
I may not be the next Shakespeare with his drama, J.K. Rowling with her imaginative plot, or e.e. cummings with his own rules, but my writing is going to get me through today because it's me to the core. My passion is just that because each word comes from my passionate heart that's crazy about life. I may not like it or understand it every day, but there's enough to be happy about and certainly enough to process through words.